Om Namah Shivaya

BABAJI The Unfathomable

"Your Heart is my temple; Keep my temple pure", Babaji 1980

Inside inaccessible caves and crevices of the Himalayan mountains, divine

beings, yogis and saints have been absorbed in deep meditation over

thousands of years. In a cave at the foot of Mount Kailash, Babaji was

found in 1970 in a state of Samadhi and was recognized as the Mahavatar,

the timeless, divine incarnation. Ancient tradition, prophecies and accounts

of disciples' experiences, including dream and visions, heralded His

coming. Babaji taught from 1970 to 1984 and called to Him devotees and

disciples from all continents of the world. Who He was, how He taught and

lived are questions the following accounts of experiences attempt to

address. These stories enable Him to become visible before our very eyes.

Let yourself also bring Him to life in your own heart.

About this e-book

There are many self-realized teachers, Spiritual Masters. How can they be

known? How can someone come into the contact with them? There is a nice

saying in Hindu:

"The Greatness of God is revealed through His saints."

And the greatness of a saint can only be known to His/Her devotees and

disciples. It is my sincere desire that the "Simple Father" - Babaji, enters

your life and blesses you with His guidance.

This e-book is offered to you for free. I hope you will share it with your

friends or on your web sites. Let the "hidden avatar", Sri Babaji and His

mantra Om Namah Shivaya be known to as many people as possible.

Please bear in mind that the copyright of this book is still in the domain of

Haidakhandi Samaj.

No part of this e-publication may be reproduced without the prior

permission of the publisher.

You can contact the publisher at the address:

Haidakhandi Samaj. P.O. Haidakhan, Nainital District, Uttar

Pradhesh, India

Foreword

This collection of reported encounters between Master and disciples bears

witness to experiences occurring on the frontier levels of consciousness.

Flashes of realization come to the seeker on the spiritual path as he/she

experiences divine energy weaving its way through the labyrinth of the

soul. This passage of energy brings into play all kinds and levels of feelings

ranging from fear to trust and causes extreme physical and, mental states to

arise.

This has the effect of bringing deep, dark issues within the person to the

surface and allows them to be transformed into light.

"I have come to give liberation to all of you. I have come to give the

Light…"

With this statement, Babaji, the Master from the Himalayas referred to the

Light of Transcendence in which all duality, conflict of opposites, dissolves.

This Light is experienced as overwhelming and unexpected yet, at the same

time, as something that has always been known but forgotten and now

finally remembered again. It is recognition that the Light is the true or

Higher Self within.

The external true Master, whose call reaches the seeker, embodies the

divinity that is already inside oneself though not yet realized. The Master is

able to impart genuine and original divinity to the seeker by acting as

mediator in revealing to the seeker his/her essential being.

The Master is free of all affect, needs and projections and can therefore act

as an immaculate mirror. Regardless how diversely and ambiguously He

may behave, the Master is able to accurately reflect back a person's current

condition. As soon as the essence or Higher Self is realised by the disciple,

then the experienced and the experience dissolve as separate entities in

one's consciousness and become united. For this to occur the Master has

acted as medium. The tension between subject and object, between inner

and outer, between Master and disciples is transcended into Light, the

essential energy of everything.

In the Master's presence, any and every situation is potentially

transformable into an experience of unity. Initially, the experiences last for

moments but after a longer period, settle into a new state of being and the

sense of inner peace deepens.

It is usually a long process and one which is mostly experienced as difficult.

It involves the Master deliberately playing out one's opposition until the

learner understands to give up his/her resistance.

Paramount in Babaji's teachings is prayer and work in service to creation.

About both of these He had this to say.

"The Lord's Name is the divine nectar. Repeat it all the time. OM

NAMAH SHIVAYA. This is the Mahamantra, the great original mantra

given by the Lord to humanity. Everyone should repeat it. It can be given

to everyone and everything can be achieved through it."

The law of karma is above all things. Karma starts when movement starts

in the mind. To stop karma we must bring the mind to that state of silence

and voidness beyond which God can be known. As long as a person

breathes, he/she is creating karma.

No one can remain without action even for a moment. Therefore learn

how to dedicate your every action to the Lord!"

Babaji never tired of reminding everyone that continuous prayer, and at the

same time giving selfless service, was the path to true freedom. The

freedom that He meant was freedom from all ties to lower human nature,

made possible by letting go of everything which one calls I" and "mine" and

striving for the pure Being, where a person is carried by faith alone, free

from desires, concepts and needs. Babaji was Himself the embodiment of

this pure Being.

The model for a new world is a large humane family, dedicating all its

energies to a common spiritual duty. His ashram in Haidakhan, in the

foothills of the Himalayas, is such a model. Prayer and work from a stony

desert to fertile fields transformed this ancient, mythical, holy place. With

the barest means, in only a few years, several temples, living quarters and

splendid gardens were established. The Master Himself was the medium for

this great transformation, which occurred continuously and on all levels. He

showed the way and then departed, having given to all those who had

opened themselves to Him, what they were ready to receive.

"I have come to show you the way - now it is up to you to realize it in

action."

Maria-Gabriele Wosien

"I am nobody and nothing. My body has no meaning. I am only a mirror

in which you can see yourself. I am like fire. Don't stay too far away or

you will not get the warmth. But don’t get too near or you may bum

yourself. Learn the right distance."

Babaji kept His own persona in the background: displays of honoring Him

acknowledgments and rejection meant nothing to Him. He permitted ritual

acts of worship and devotion by His devotees for their sake only, to fulfill

their wishes. Through His powers, Babaji guided each one who came to

Him to perception of absolute, unchanging values and to knowledge of the

unity of all creation. To this end He changed the hearts of people, raised

their consciousness by transmitting His energy to them, purified them and

made them free for a new spiritual dimension.

The means for the transformation and purification of the mind and heart

was selfless work, repetition of the name of God, in particular the mantra

OM NAMAHA SHIVAYA (Lord, let Thy will be done/I take refuge in the

Lord) and work with the elements, fire and water. Karma yoga, work as

service to God, was practiced daily and Babaji supervised all activities

Himself. The short periods of leisure were spent reading religious scripts

and chanting songs in honor of the Creator, as well as the mantra OM

NAMAHA SHIVAYA.

Water is symbolic in all religions as a cleanser for mind, body and spirit and

Babaji used it often for this purpose. During the monsoon time in

Haidakhan, He often led devotees by the hand through the turbulent

Gautama Ganga River. This was significant both as purification in a holy

river and as a crossing of the dangerous swirls of life made safe by a

reliable leader. Babaji enabled further cleansing to take place by having

people do work that required standing in water. Big stones and rocks had to

be lifted out of the riverbed and carried to some other construction site. The

ashram dwellers also bathed twice a day, before sunrise and at sunset, in the

cool waters of the Gautama Ganga.

Fire ceremonies served the same purpose. Each morning, around 4.30 a.m.,

Babaji performed a fire ritual which is more ancient than the Vedas. The

fire ceremony is also referred to as "havan" or "yagna". As the offerings are

made - rice, fruits, incense - the participants, who surrender their lower

nature to the fire, recite certain mantras. Fire consumes everything and its

transforming power leads to a rebirth on a higher level.

Anyone who came into contact with Babaji received higher vibrations from

Him. Babaji may have placed His hand on a person, given the blessing

mudra, presented a person with a gift, some object He had touched or worn,

or the energy may have been transmitted by a look or a word. He might

breathe on someone or tap their spine with His long stick; He might scream

at a person or stroke them gently; all according to each person's make up.

Through this targeted contact, the various energy centers of the body

became activated so that they became capable of withstanding more intense

streams of energy.

Personal contact with Babaji was fundamentally important for everyone

who experienced this. People constantly surrounded him. He shared food

with people, traveled with them in trains, buses and even on the back of a

motorbike. He was so uncomplicated, almost like a child. He stayed

overnight in the simplest mud huts, in villas, in apartments, in palaces -

wherever He happened to be invited to come and give blessing. And always

behind Him, a swarm of people followed.

The devotee became aware that everything was a part of creation, without

separation, without differentiation. The path to liberation is a narrow one. If

one moved off it even for a second to court old habits and ideas, Babaji

became unrelenting. Using a seemingly trivial matter as pretext he would

stage-manage some drama out of the blue, sending devotees away as soon

as they had reached saturation point in the learning process, or letting them

overcome their difficulties by immersion in daily duties. Babaji demanded

the strictest inner and outer discipline. This often cost many tears. However,

each knew for certain that he/she was truly blessed.

"To devotees I give Abhaya Dhan, the blessing of my protection, by which

you will always be protected. So you should be fearless. I am responsible

for you and your liberation. My protection never abandons you, not even

for a second."

The day came when my daughter and I set off for Haidakhan; we felt

strongly drawn there but didn't really know why. Along the way we firmly

resolved not to fall at Babaji's Feet or in any way touch them, as was the

custom in India. It was out of the question.

Before we had quite reached the ashram itself, we caught our first glimpse

of Babaji. He was riding on an elephant with lots of people crowding

around Him. To prevent His seeing us, and to spare ourselves the

embarrassment of having to prostrate ourselves at His Feet, we stayed

inconspicuously in the background.

However, the honor that we failed to pay Him, He accorded us. From a

distance He waved us over. "You go," I said to my daughter. I had barely

spoken when He waved again meaning that I, too, should come to Him.

And, to our great embarrassment, He motioned us to sit up there with Him

on the elephant.

The first look into Babaji's eyes was overwhelming. In them I saw myself,

my entire being. The fire in His eyes pierced my heart. My head was empty,

my heart full. It was as if I had known Him forever.

We rode with Him across the Gautama River; He was chanting the mantra

"Sita Ram". He motioned us to join in. Although I hadn't a clue who Sita or

Ram were, I could make out the sounds and so I sang along. He bade me

sing even louder: "Sita Ram Sita Ram Sita Ram ... "

Then He spoke a little with us and asked us where we came from.

Afterwards, I bowed down to Him, touched His Feet, His knee. My mind

became empty and my heart full. I was happy, I was simply there; beyond

that, I was aware of nothing.

He was very loving to us and showered us with honors, which we felt far

from deserving.

After the havan (sacred fire ceremony), while everyone was still gathering

around the fire meditating on the flames, I noticed Babaji quietly remove

Himself from the crowd and walk along one of the garden paths lined with

trees. The first rays of the rising sun were scattering the darkness. There

was an odd silence as night gave way to day.

In this quiet stillness, Babaji moved in close behind a tree and parted its

branches with the effect that it was He who became the trunk and crown of

the tree.

Fascinated by these strange effects, I kept on watching and then I heard His

words internally. "I am the essence of all Life ... see!"

And as I looked, the branches appeared to be bowing down before Babaji.

Yes, it really was so. How else could He, with only two hands, have pushed

aside the many branches and their numerous young offshoots? Then, before

my eyes, Nature appeared to awaken with a renewed exuberance and vigor.

An Indian woman recounts the following story:

Yogis and sadhus seemed to be forever visiting our home, so much so that I

was rather fed up and didn't want to know any more about them. One day,

however, a relative persuaded me to go and see, as he put it, a certain

"special" young yogi who had arrived in Bombay.

On entering the room, I immediately noticed a young yogi deep in

meditation. As there was no space left at the back, I had to move to the

front and ended up sitting right near him.

Traditionally, our family has always worshipped Shiva, so I began

automatically to repeat the mantra OM NAMAHA SHIVAYA. It was then

that the yogi opened his eyes. His gaze fixed onto mine and it was as if fire

streamed forth from his eyes. I sat as if rooted to the spot. How long I

remained staring -- a minute, an hour - I have no idea. I only became aware

of suddenly beginning to cry. Normally, crying doesn't come easily to me;

it's beneath my dignity. The whole time, the yogi kept looking at me. At the

same time, my father, mother and brother, who were also present, each

thought he was looking at them. All three had the same experience. The

yogi shut his eyes again and eased into deep meditation.

I was fascinated to watch the people go up and bow down before him and

how he, although in profound meditation, would raise his right hand in

blessing. This gesture truly touched me -- it was Shiva's mudra. Some time

later the yogi stood up and returned to his room.

"Who is this Baba? Where does he come from?" I asked someone beside

me.

"He is a Mahavatar, the one mentioned in Yogananda's Autobiography of a

Yogi."

"It may be possible," I thought. Nevertheless, doubts disturbed me, because

of my sceptical nature.

We went home and returned in the evening. Babaji was sitting on the

veranda in the moonlight. At last someone arrived with a lamp, which lit up

His face. We were sitting about two or three meters away from Him and the

thought occurred to me to photograph Him. In my mind, I asked for His

permission and as an answer, I noticed His eyes open. I spoke further with

Him internally: "Who you are, I don't know. But if you are truly the one

people believe you to be, then show me. This way only can I have faith in

you!'

My eyes remained spellbound by His face, which became like a

kaleidoscope. It transformed into Rama, Krishna, Shiva, and Buddha. I saw

all the saints of India pass by, one after the other. This diversity of divine

forms signified for me the oneness of God. And then, then I saw light. Only

light remained. I had waited for this because God has always been 'Light"

for me.

While this procession was taking place before my enraptured eyes, I

pinched myself several times to see if I was dreaming or if I was

hypnotized. The images lasted for about half an hour; then they faded and

again I saw Babaji's smiling face. Overcome, I surrendered to Him,

inwardly accepting Him as my Master.

When I finished my studies, I became interested in Indian philosophy and

yoga. I met some people who had been in India with the Tibetan Lama, and

my awakened desire for truth and wisdom led me there too. It wasn't a

specific spiritual path or even a particular guru that I was seeking, but rather

"truth", the truth as an inner experience. I journeyed with some friends to

the Himalayan Mountains and in particular to the small town of Almora,

where we decided to stay on. One day, I consulted the I-Ching about a guru.

Puzzling yet unambiguous was the answer: "The time has come for you to

meet your spiritual Master."

The very next day, in the house of an elderly American lady who had lived

in Almora for twenty years, I met Babaji She told me that Babaji was

looking for a devotee who had been with Him in a previous lifetime. She

was directed to invite to her home all the foreigners staying in Almora.

When I heard this, I couldn't help feeling I was the one concerned.

And so it was - my intuition had not led me astray. I knew little of Babaji

before our encounter. Some people told me that despite his youthful

appearance, He was, in fact, very old. He had been able to maintain His

youthful form for thousands of years. Standing before Him at last, I was

especially impressed by His simplicity and cheerfulness. He appeared

unusually serene, deeply centered, and sat for hours like a statue in

meditation. In His eyes I saw He was a wise man. For a long time I just

watched Him. Then, in thought, I put before Him questions, which had long

troubled me. I asked to be given of His wisdom to help me find the truth

inside me.

As I got up to leave, I heard His voice internally saying: "We shall meet

again."

That same night I dreamt of Him. In the company of some disciples, He

came out of a dark forest. He was holding a long stick. His form

transformed into Light and spoke to me: "I am your Master."

"What will you teach me?" I asked.

"I will show you how to wash up."

How well Babaji knew me! Back home, washing dishes had always been a

horror for me. His answer basically meant He would teach me humility and

simplicity. And truly, as soon as I set foot in Babaji's ashram, my job for the

next two years was washing up and cleaning.

"When there is an auspicious constellation of stars in a person’s life, then

only can he/she come to a sacred place and meet saintly people. When a

person’s life has reached a turning point and the bad karmas are coming to

an end then that person is naturally drawn to a sacred place."

It happened on my first day in Haidakhan. Only through enormous physical

exertion had I managed to reach the place at all. Everything was strange and

new Impressions bombarded me relentlessly.

At some point, Babaji motioned some Europeans, myself among them, to

accompany Hun as He left the crowd and moved into a small room. He

spoke for a while with the others, then turned to me saying: "Where have

you been?'

I answered: "In the Aurobindo ashram at Pondicherry."

"Did you like it there?" asked Babaji pointedly.

It was actually the first place in India that I had liked at all and so I

answered truthfully:

"Yes."

"Go where you like!" roared Babaji.

It was as if I had been struck by a thunderbolt. Thoughts began screaming

through my mind:

"Go? Go now? Impossible! It's too late now, and besides, I can hardly walk

another step. But apparently I'm not allowed to stay either. Cannot go ...

cannot stay... "

"So what do you say to that?" Babaji continued.

Tears were running down my cheeks. A moment later Babaji was taking a

mala from around His neck and placing it around mine. Then He laid His

hand in blessing on the top of my head.

Only later did I begin to understand this statement. It wasn't about go where

you like (want to), rather going where you will, that is, follow your inner

truth. The thunder in His voice has the power to inwardly overcome all

obstacles.

This statement was a summary of the teachings and is to be practiced.

A young man asked Babaji if he should go ahead and get married.

"Why do you want to marry?" enquired Babaji.

"Because I'm so lonely."

To which Babaji replied: "How can you say that you're lonely when I am in

your every breath?"

Babaji had assigned me to crochet a hat for Him. When I offered Him the

completed work, He took hold of a second hat, meticulously placed one

inside the other and showed me precisely where I should crochet them

together. Then He looked at me with intensity and said: "Make one from

two. Do you understand?"

Some time later I understood it to mean this: unite the human will with

Divine Will in order to realize unity with God.

Soon after arriving the first time in Haidakhan, we were told that anyone

who intended to spend more than three days at the Ashram would have to

have a mundan.

"We were not told about this before we left", I said. "Well, things change

fast round here", came the reply. Until then I was fairly open to the idea of

having my head shaved, but being forced to have it done was another

matter. When I said that I might decide not to have a mundan, they said

ominously. "We'll see about that." The following day the confrontation

continued, and someone said I was taking myself too seriously. Even my

wife, who had no intention of losing her own hair, pointed out to me that I

had so little left anyway, it wasn't worth making such a fuss. I decided to

leave it until Babaji returned to the Ashram. After all He was the only real

authority.

In another couple of days it happened. We heard the noise of the excited

crowd below as He approached, and I remember looking down to the

riverbed to get my first glimpse of Him.

That evening after Aarati I stood in line anonymous between Western and

Indian devotees to meet Him. When my turn came Babaji greeted me

cheerily.

"Here comes a very good man from England!"

I smiled at this joking reference to my surname (Goodman) and wondered

about His knowledge of me. My wonder increased the next day when He

placed His hand on my forehead. It was like being totally known and totally

accepted at the same time. I was also impressed by His gentleness, and with

His hand only inches from my hair I knew He would never force me to have

my head shaved.

As I became relaxed about the mundan, I began to hear all the good things

about it. "It feels wonderful... it cures disease... it's like letting go of all of

your life and ego... it makes you feel free." Even so, there was no particular

need anymore for me to do anything urgently.

A week later I was sitting on stone steps, looking across the riverbed, when

Babaji passed by.

He said something to me in a singsong voice that I did not understand.

Someone interpreted:

"He wants you to follow Him."

I walked behind Babaji and in front of him was a small dog. Soon Babaji

was imitating the dog's funny walk so that I had to laugh. After a few

moments the dog ran ahead, and Babaji called to a boy to bring it back.

When the dog was returned, Babaji was crossing one of the planks that span

the water, and suddenly the dog was thrown upstream. It paddled back to

the plank and somehow managed awkwardly to pull itself up with its front

paws.

Babaji, now ahead on the path and without looking round, continued to

imitate its every movement, shaking himself as the dog shook the water off.

This was no longer just entertainment. It was as if Babaji had identified and

merged with the dog and was sharing the dog's discomfort. My mind went

back to the infants' school, and the time I played with letters D O G and

made G O D. So Babaji was in the dog; and then I realized that Babaji was

already in me when He passed me on the steps, for what He had shown me

was something I needed to see, Babaji in everything.

Next day I had my hair cut - all of it. Someone said to my wife: "Have you

seen your husband this morning? He has had his head shaved and he is

smiling!"

Through an acquaintance I got hold of the Fischer pocketbook "Botschaft

vom Himalaya". I looked upon it as divine guidance to be properly put to

use.

For decades I had searched for a path to bring me closer to God and the

information contained in this book might well have been my saving grace.

It soon even became possible for me to travel to India.

Many people had warned me against undertaking such a journey at the age

of seventy and with difficulty in walking as well. The trek to the ashram

was hazardous and no physical comforts were available there. Nevertheless,

I wouldn't be deterred and anyhow, an easy path didn't fit my expectation of

achieving the high goal of meeting Babaji.

Indeed, the journey turned out to be demanding and exhausting, though I

was fortunate to be able to ride on horseback for the most difficult stretch

up river. At last I saw the 108 stairs leading to the main ashram. How was I

supposed to get up there?

Before attempting the climb, I bathed in the Gautama River and rested on

the stony riverside.

Then I set off, taking it slowly, and leaning heavily on my stick. I had

barely managed a few steps before I needed to pause and rest ... and again

... and then again. So the climb continued on.

While resting on one of the steps, I took a look down over the valley and

saw how the river flowed in various stream, meandering about the beautiful

mountains. I inhaled the clear air and took in the quiet and the peace. It was

then I thought I heard a noise somewhere behind me. I turned round and

saw someone running lightly down the stairs ... it must be Babaji!

Straightening myself up and thrusting the stick forward, I managed to move

up two steps and prostrated myself at His Feet. I felt His hands on my head

and a wave of energy of intensity I had never felt before, tingled through

my entire body. What rapture! Taking hold of my arm Babaji pulled me up

and passed a mala from around His neck to mine. Never will I forget His

shining eyes, oceans of love, disclosing His Being to me.

The yearning to meet a great Master had been awakened in me, both from

reading a variety of literature and through meditation. Two high beings

were of special interest to me - Babaji and Sai Baba. Sai Baba was known

to openly perform miracles. I had read about both of them, but which one

should I seek out?

Then I learnt that there was a Babaji ashram nearby (in Germany), so I paid

a visit and heard many stories from people who had often made pilgrimages

to Haidakhan.

Happy, but still in somewhat of a dilemma, I returned home. So where

should I go? To Babaji or Sai Baba, whose miracles still fascinated me?

The following night, Babaji put an end to the dilemma. I dreamt I was in

Haidakhan. Babaji was waiting for me, His arms stretched out to receive

me. Astonishingly, He had hair like Sai Baba. He embraced me. So much

love. I felt profoundly happy to be "home". I was with my Father.

When I awoke, I was peaceful. I knew now who my Master was. This

dream was evidence that Babaji, too, worked miracles.

One day I experienced Babaji full of mirth and frolic As I bowed down

before Him, He clapped a plastic bag over my head, bent over and

exclaimed twice into my ear: "Buh ... buh", then leaned back and shook

with laughter.

I remembered that "buh" was a Sanskrit word meaning "earth". It occurred

to me that Babaji was referring to being caught up solely in the perspective

of the material plane - the earth. He was reminding me of His point of view,

where the earth was merely an amusing theatre, the one we take so

seriously.

During my first visit to Haidakhan I took special delight in watching Baba,

escorted by a small band of devotees, going down to the river to bathe.

Each evening I would proceed to a vantage point - a bench in the upper

ashram area - and eagerly await the scene to be enacted.

From this position I overlooked the whole valley stretching across to the

other side where the nine temples basked in the glow of sunset and in front

of them flowed the far-reaching streams of the Gautama River.

As the sun was setting, the small party appeared descending the stairs and

moving towards the river. Babaji was holding His long staff. This

picturesque sight of the little group passing over the stones, clad in bright

and colorful robes, each time evoked the vision: "There goes Christ with

His young ones.'

In my childhood I had seen just such a picture in a religious book and now

it was coming alive before my eyes.

One day, at darshan, a devotee presented Babaji with some photographs.

Full of love, He looked at them one by one and then gave them away as

gifts. To my great joy, I received one too. It happened to be a photo of

Babaji with a small group of devotees, moving across the valley in the glow

of sunset. Precisely the scene I so loved.

With the joy came also deep shock. "How is this possible? Who is he?" I

asked myself for the first time at this level, because the power of His

omniscience hit me more deeply than ever.

As time went on, this realization taught me that Babaji embodies absolute

omniscience and love and through Him, we will come to know divine love

and unity with God.

"Love me more and more - as I love you beyond all bounds, as I have

always loved you and will always love you. Never doubt my love, not even

when I send you challenges and tests, both inside you and in the outside

world because everything is for your highest good and for your inner

growth.

Always, whenever you call me inwardly, I am already there with open

arms and am waiting for you to draw you into my heart. Be always ready

for anything and my blessing will have no end..."

There was something I wanted to say to Babaji but whatever English I had

learnt at school, I had by now forgotten. So I held the thought in my mind

and fixed my gaze on Him.

Raising His head, He looked at me with luminous eyes and made a gesture

with His hand. I understood His answer. There have been times when, with

a gentle smile Babaji has spoken the odd German word.

Countless gifts have been offered to Babaji. Some He gave away more or

less immediately, others he kept for a longer period of time. Perhaps it had

to do with the motivation or devotion, which lay behind the offering.

Once I put considerable effort into making a rug and sent it off with my

daughter to India. We thought this rug must have gone the way of most of

the gifts because it wasn't seen again.

Two years later, on a visit to Babaji's Chilianaula ashram (situated higher in

the Himalayan range), I was watching an asana (seat) being prepared for

Babaji. I could hardly believe my eyes. There, lying on the top was the little

rug. I was overjoyed.

While we were singing the evening Aarati, I noticed Babaji's eyes were

concentrated on something outside in the darkness. I followed His line of

vision but couldn't at first discern anything. Soon though, on the roof of the

building housing the kitchen, a dog's head became visible. Yes, now more

of its body appeared and it wasn't long before the old dog was sauntering

down some stairs, sprinting past the temple and trampling over the seated

people till it came to a halt at Babaji's seat. The dog gazed up at Babaji,

who ran His fingers through its fur and tenderly stroked its back. Then,

upon a gesture from Babaji, the dog took off again.

It wasn't the first time I had noticed Babaji communicate telepathically with

animals.

On my second visit to Haidakhan, one day I sat alone with Babaji on the

other side of the valley. He had crouched down on one of the steps leading

to the nine temples and indicated to me to sit at His Feet. It was my first

time totally alone with Him. The peace and stillness, which surrounded

Him, the whole atmosphere of the temples and the beauty of the valley all

lifted me up to another sphere of consciousness.

Inwardly, I said to Babaji, quite spontaneously: "I have trust in you."

Scarcely had I formulated the thought when He turned his elegantly

proportioned, beauteous countenance and looked at me out of unfathomable

eyes.

"Yes," I repeated, "Unshakable trust have I in you."

Without any arousal from Him, I gradually came to and suddenly noticed,

to my horror that all this time I had unwittingly been sitting on His foot!

Hardly had this realization struck like lightning, when I felt Babaji's toes

wriggling beneath me.

Through this incident, Babaji let me realize, to my utter amazement, how

He perceives not only the immediate surroundings but at the same time also

the entire world, all levels of it, and He is at one with it all.

Babaji worked the greatest transformation in my life in that He opened my

heart chakra and let me experience divine, all-encompassing love. It

happened spontaneously, out of the blue.

We were on tour. It was that time of day for resting. Sharing my room was

an elderly woman who was rather weak due to a digestive disorder. She was

also crying because she had just received a lesson from Babaji, which had

upset her. I embraced her in sympathy and then it happened... Love in all its

expansiveness, beyond all words, flowed through me. My self was

dissolved in it; I was no longer present; the feeling of happiness was

indescribable, infinite.

"I" didn't exist as such anymore. Love was all there was. Everything was

contained in it...

Then the first fleeting thought came into awareness. 'What are you doing?"

Slowly and steadily, I became conscious of my body... "I drank from you,"

said the elderly woman, who up till then had remained motionless and

peaceful in my arms. Intuitively, she knew what had occurred.

"Whosoever comes to me with love, then I will show him/her love beyond

anything imaginable."

* * * *

Babaji loved to play with children. One day, in the garden, He jokingly said

to a five-year-old boy: "See that dog over there - she's your wife. What do

you say to that?"

"I don't want the dog for a wife."

"Well then, why not?"

"I don't like a woman with a tail and four legs."

We were sitting in the kirtan hall one eve i g, chanting. A kerosene lamp

hanging from the ceiling illuminated the room. Babaji had arrived to give

darshan. One of those present in the crowd was a sick young Indian boy

who had earlier visited the clinic where I worked.

Somehow I felt a strong sympathy for him and was glad to hear that Babaji

had earlier that afternoon dressed him in new clothes and given him

permission to stay at the ashram.

When I went to pranam to Babaji, I asked inwardly for His blessing for this

sick boy. Not long after, I noticed the boy making pranam. Babaji showed

him much love and placed His hand on the boy, thereby bestowing shakti

(energy). For me, it was like witnessing the Divine Mother.

Darshan was over and Babaji walked over to the sick boy and again blessed

him. This caring so touched me that I impulsively ran to Babaji and bowed

down, thanking Him for His love and saying internally: "You are truly the

Divine Mother."

As I stood up again, the burning kerosene lamp above began to swing.

Babaji pointed to the burning flame and said: "No fire, no fire, fire." Then

He gave me a friendly look and left.

I understood intuitively that Babaji wasn't referring to fire as such, but

rather to the divine energy within everything material and ethereal, which

Babaji Himself embodies.

From this I now understand Babaji's presence is constantly everywhere -

within all humans, animals and plants and within all feelings, words, deeds

and events.

One can only wonder at Babaji's play on words. The following story is not

only humorous but teaches me also that after death, the human body is a

useless leftover and shouldn't warrant any fuss made over it.

Down by the river at a spot just below the ashram in Haidakhan, the

inhabitants of the little village, according to Indian custom, cremate their

dead. While the wooden logs are being properly stacked, the corpse is left

to lie on a cloth just beside the pile in readiness for the offering to the

purifying fire.

On this particular day of the cremation, an ashram work project happened to

be taking place nearby and involved carrying big rocks over to a site where

a stone rampart was being built against the anticipated monsoon floods. It

seemed to me like a lack of piety to have all this industrious work going on

around a dead body and it disturbed me enough to make me go to Babaji.

"Babaji, there is a corpse down there and yet work continues on in the

immediate vicinity. I think the dead man should be left in peace."

Babaji: "Yes ... yes peace, peace ... Go and chop him to pieces!"

Taken aback, I ran down the 108 stairs to the riverbed. Was I really

supposed to chop up the body, as is the custom in Tibet? No. Babaji was

only joking...!

If a devotee wished to receive chandan from Babaji in His little room in the

early morning, he/she had to ask for permission the evening before. So I

approached Babaji and asked: 'May I please come to chandan tomorrow?"

Now my English is not the best and a thought flashed through my mind:

"to" sounds like "two".

Babaji smiled and nodded saying, "Three-morrow", in other words, 'Yes, for

three continuous mornings.'

It’s our last darshan. Tomorrow we leave Haidakhan. So much has

happened in three days. I don't want to leave yet. This place has taken such

a hold of my heart. But there is no time to be gloomy over the departure.

We have just finished the day's karma yoga - work in the ashram - and are

getting ready for the evening Aarati, prayer chanting. I have been asked to

assist in the preparation of a puja ceremony. Fresh fruit and flowers are

being beautifully arranged on a shiny platter and other items are being

brought together. We feel happy to be given the privilege to participate in

honoring Babaji in this way. Now it's time to take the things over to the

temple.

Everyone has already assembled there. The bells are ringing and Babaji

arrives. Out of Him radiates such enormous power, yet He moves nimbly

and lightly, like the wind. His beauty is overwhelming,, each time one sees

Him, it is like a new delight. He sits on His asanaa and His power, love and

acute concentration are evident.

Immediately, as if drawn to a magnet, a stream of devotees queues for His

darshan. His attraction is irresistible. A mere smile or movement of the

hand suffices to fill the heart and soul totally.

The chanting grows louder; the vibrations intensify. The first puja

commences where light is offered to the great Light. Music fills the air and

all mind chatter is extinguished. The offered fruit, now blessed, is served

out as prasad. Sounds upon sounds (instrumental music, bells, conches,

drums, damaru) pervade the clear night.

Now another puja; this time performed by a couple whose marriage

ceremony took place this morning. The atmosphere becomes even more

intense and high and brings everyone into a sense of oneness.

Babaji beckons one of His close, long-term devotees to say a few words.

He, too, is filled with the effects of divine energy and extols in Hindi the

greatness of the divine presence of Babaji in human form. How inadequate

is our comprehension of a Mahavatar! Even when Rama, the hero of the

Mahabharatas was on earth, little did the people recognize His greatness.

At the high point of this event, Babaji stood up. It was the most powerful

experience I've ever had in my life - the revelation of Babaji as the almighty

energy pervading all of creation, the original energy.

The sense of unity became obvious when the speaker symbolically put out

his arms, embracing some of the devotees standing beside Babaji. I was

also drawn to them, as if from an inner impulse, and thereby received my

farewell embrace. I didn't realize then that this was also to be my farewell,

on the earth plane, to Babaji, the Avatar of the Kali Yuga.

The next morning Babaji, seemingly unmoved, performed the sacred fire

ceremony. Shiva, beyond time and space. A farewell with joyful heart; I

shall be returning.

Five weeks later came the news of Babaji's Mahasamadhi. I was stunned.

"I dwell in everything in nature and in your heart."

This was His message to me during that wonderful and intense time in

Haidakhan that totally changed my life. The time has come to put into

practice the imparted knowledge: Truth, Simplicity and Love.

Extracts from a Diary

TUESDAY

Arrival in Haidakhan. Babaji greeted me, calling "Sariju", the name He had

given me. We looked into each other's eyes and then He tapped me lightly

on the heart chakra.

Today is my first full day of experiencing Haidakhan. What a blessing to be

allowed to be here at all! On waking around 4.00 a.m., I descended the 108

stairs in the darkness to go to the river and bathe. Still tired from the

journey, I returned to my room and rested. Dozing off, I dreamt of Babaji.

He laughed and said: "Darling, its cold here," and placed a blanket over me.

His eyes were brilliant.

In the meantime, it was getting light outside. Time to go to the temple.

After the Aarati (devotional chanting) I swept the floor of my room and

went to drink some tea (water, sugar, milk tea and spices, all boiled up

together then strained and served in glasses).

When I came into the temple for morning darshan, everyone was gathered

there and even Babaji had already arrived. As I pranamed, He called again

the name "Sariju". Some time later, when the others had been sent to work

duties, He called me over and asked if I lived alone, how many children I

had, whether they still lived at home or away, what my daily work

comprised. Prior to this, He had asked if I had a problem or a wish, to

which I had answered:

"No." Thereupon, He suggested I should continue to think of Him in

meditation and this way I would always remain happy and contented. I had

the feeling that He is joyous when a person is empty of wishes and

problems.

Here in Haidakhan, I don't have to work.

WEDNESDAY

Yesterday I gave some presents to Babaji. Today I was summoned to Him

and watched how He looked them over and how He paid attention to the

smallest detail. His joy here appears like a child's. In response, one always

receives some gift, sweets, nuts. Babaji distributes whatever He receives

and usually people get exactly what they could well use.

The first impression of the ashram is overwhelming; so much has been

achieved in two years.

The whole temple, as far as the spire, has been decorated with a layer of

terrazzo in a mosaic of colors - red, green, yellow and blue - interspaced

between bands of mirrored glass. The columns, floor and garden path also

feature this terrazzo.

Garden beds have been established with plantings of flowers and

vegetables. Recently planted papaya trees were already in fruit and one tree

bearing pumpkins looked particularly interesting. Long stone ramparts have

been erected against the rising monsoon waters.

Construction is going on everywhere. On the riverbed, little stone huts have

been newly built with straw or tin sheets for roofing and straw mats as

doors - simplicity itself.

Over on the opposite side of the valley, near the cave where Babaji was first

seen in 1970, nine temples stand serenely in a row. There is also an

excavated reservoir for watering the garden, a large cow and horse stable

and two huts of an earthy red color. These huts are living quarters and

contain wood-burning ovens, which will be important for self-sufficiency

during the monsoon, when the river is too high and swift to be crossed.

Yesterday a wedding procession passed along the valley to the sound of

drum and trumpets.

One could identify the groom wearing a Krishna crown and veil and riding

on a horse. Today, they were returning, this time with the bride on

horseback.

On the riverbed a truck is being unloaded - sacks of coconuts, which are to

be carried all the way up to the ashram.

This morning a caravan of horses was led up the mountain and now, at

eventide, they are returning laden with logs. The fetters seem so frail; one

would expect them to collapse under the strain.

At Aarati this evening, everyone was carried away with the energy; it was

so powerful.

THURSDAY

Again this morning the vibrations during Aarati were as strong. I

concentrated fully on Baba.

I became lightheaded, as if in a trance.

Washing clothes at the river. This is always painful for me as I feel the

nearness of my deceased husband here.

From afar I caught sight of Baba coming down the stairs. I approached to

greet Him. He asked if I wanted some tea. I declined because I'd already

taken some. He allowed me to accompany Him. It was a most wonderful

hour. Even in heaven, it's not possible to be happier. We walked arm-in-arm

and sometimes He led me by the hand - all of it symbolic.

Babaji helped me to awaken the Christ consciousness within. He tapped me

on the heart chakra and on the top of the head. At the same time, He was

giving directions to the people on the construction work. He is very precise

and asks for obedience with no contradiction.

Many times I looked into His eyes as He looked at mine. He stroked my

cheek. I was able to show Him my love even though there were always

people around. It was like 'you and I". In everyday life I could not have

been so open and moreover, the love for another human being is not as

powerful.

During the night I awoke to see Christ in the center of translucent white

light surrounded by a bluish haze. His form appeared long and stretched

out, like an El Greco painting, and His hands were held in the blessing

mudra.

FRIDAY

During the morning, some local people had constructed a funeral pyre by

the river and now a group of them were seated around it. By the time I

returned from the other side of the valley, the fire was wed ablaze. I had

presumed it was all over but as I ascended the stairs, two corpses wrapped

in rugs were still discernible. Not long after, half-charred logs were lying

about in the water.

After lunch, I went to the other side of the valley. Here I met Baba. He was

seated on a rock with Shastriji, an elderly scholar and priest, beside Him.

Babaji motioned me to sit and let me massage His Feet. This gave me

extraordinary energy and started a healing process through my body.

That evening, after the Aarati, Babaji placed the soles of His Feet together,

like two magnets.

His eyes were turned upwards (His expression suggested He was far away).

SATURDAY

If the sun is shining, people gather in the garden for darshan. Today Baba

remained there for a long time. He ate a little fruit and nuts, drank some

water and tasted the food, which was served up in small bowls, checking

that it was properly spiced. When He stood up to go, I took my stool out of

the way. However, Baba did not walk past, but sat a while on the little stool.

Then He went and lay down in the shade of a tree.

Many Indian guests filed by. One lady performed puja and some short

conversations took place. Babaji asked for some paper bowls to be brought

and roasted grain, resembling rice, was served up in them. Baba peeled

three lemons, broke them into segments and liberally sprinkled pepper and

salt over the pieces. He ate one piece and had the rest distributed to all those

present.

Then more prasad was offered; this time, grains with a peppery spice and

chunky, candied molasses.

Later, as Baba was leaving, He said to me: "Come" and we sprinted down

the stairs arm-in-arm. My over-sixty year-old body could not have coped

with this speed by itself. I felt, in fact, like a twenty-year-old. We climbed

over a stonewall, at the foot of which mustard had been planted. Baba broke

off a sprig, took a bite and gave me the rest. It tasted like radish. Then we

scaled a one-and-a-half meter wall and proceeded towards the temples and

then over to the cows and horses. Babaji paid attention to everything; the

plantations, the gardens, and looked to see if His directions had been

followed.

On the way back, Baba stopped to speak with a Nepalese family, which

lived by the riverbank. Their huts had walls made partly of stones from the

riverbed and partly from dried grasses and woven wicker. The roof, too,

was made up of the latter. A mat or a cloth served as a bed and daily life

took place on the floor.

We went over to the spot where some days ago two bodies were cremated. I

had a strong feeling that Baba had helped these souls. We walked across the

valley towards the teahouses; here Baba bought some sweets and nuts and

handed them out as prasad. (Everywhere Baba goes, people appear and

gather near Him.) He even bought little cigarettes for the workers.

While the tobacco wares were being weighed out, I thought of the next step

-- paying for it. I happened to have my purse with me and gave it to Baba. I

had been intending to make a donation, so this was now the opportunity.

It was getting on for midday. Everyone waited for Babaji to bless the food.

Only then can it be served. The rest of the day we chanted.

MONDAY - SHIVA DAY

The bells rang out through the valley. It was 6.30 a.m. - quickly get ready --

Aarati was beginning. Today Babaji would set off on a tour of Bombay. We

accompanied Him to the truck. He dealt out some money, mostly two-rupee

and five-rupee notes, to the needy ones; naturally they were delighted. I

stepped forward to squeeze His hand and He responded likewise.

Most people found the departure painful. So did I. It felt good to speak with

others afterwards about Baba.

TUESDAY

The day went peacefully. I read a book about Babaji and some things are

becoming clearer to me.

"You will be measured according to your deeds."

These words came into my mind as I thought of the incident when Babaji

gauged the size of a rock using His forearm as a unit of measure. Why, of

all things, did my son give me a ruler to bring here? Everything has its

meaning and is predetermined. Put another way, as in the Bible: "You will

be weighed and found too light."

Oh God, bestow on me your love and understanding. Hold me close to you.

My whole being, all my thoughts and yearning are for you alone.

WEDNESDAY - New Moon

Today we celebrate Shivaratri, the Holy Night of Shiva. Around

February/March each year, fasting throughout the day and by meditation

and worship in the temple at night commemorates this great festival.

Many Indians have come with their families to take part; some even arrived

in the darkness of night.

Traditionally one takes a bath in the sacred river; some undertake the steep

trek up Mount Kailash.

The bells of worship resound throughout the valley. Dressed m colorful

saris and glittering jewelry, the Indian ladies cut a striking picture.

Although it's a holiday, there is still work to carry out. Stones are chiseled

into shape and set into walls. Every day is a workday here.

"Work is service to God", Babaji says and the whole ashram functions on

this basic principle.

I took a nap in the afternoon. When I awoke, I was lying on my back and in

my third eye, saw Babaji. He bore a delicate smile; His eyes, nose and

mouth were clearly recognizable.

Everything else disappeared into a haze. His countenance turned sideways.

The image remained stable until I thought about it, whereupon it vanished

and even the sharpest concentration couldn't bring it back.

From the soles of His Feet there issued a stream of energy winch my body

received as warm and health giving. It felt lovely. I'm looking forward to

tomorrow. We shall be traveling to Vrindavan where Babaji will stay a

while.

Once I traveled with Babaji from Vrindavan, the abode of Krishna, to an

ashram in nearby Madhuban. Many of the local people had gathered there

to have His darshan. In expectation of large crowds, seemingly

inexhaustible quantities of food had been prepared.

When Babaji arrived He was offered a plate containing samples of the

various dishes. In this way, all the food was blessed. He then issued the

instruction that all those traveling with Him should sit down to eat first and

only when they had finished, should all the local villagers take their places

to eat.

In the general tumult and excitement, this instruction was ignored. Instead,

the villagers pushed and shoved and in no time had completely taken over

all the seating places.

Then something extraordinary happened: out of a cloudless blue sky, a dark

cloud appeared, suddenly burst and shed its heavy waters, and within

minutes everything in the immediate vicinity was drenched. And all the

villagers got wet!

In spite of the rain, Babaji darted about in one direction and another. I was

following Him and at some point I observed something astonishing. He

wasn't at all wet! When He finally sat down again, it was obvious He didn't

have a splash on Him. In contrast, my hair was dripping and I was muddy

all over.

Accompanied by many Indians and a small number of Europeans, Babaji

made a journey to a great temple situated in the Himalayan mountains. He

was to hold an important ceremony there.

We had walked several kilometers, much of it uphill under a burning sun.

The track itself quickly became very arduous and exhausting.

Once the festivities were over, we started the return journey. Quite

unexpectedly, Babaji took hold of my arm and moved me along with Him,

faster and faster. I felt the loss of control as we pushed onwards along the

track, which at times was deadly dangerous because of the steep cliffs on

either side.

Babaji kept running with me, faster and faster, down the mountain slope.

I'm not sure any more whether I used my own legs or whether I merely

glided.

The essential point about this event only later became clear to me. From the

recesses of my mind I recalled that for a moment I was actually airborne

above the precipice. Babaji had held me there, as a father protecting a child

who doesn't even realize the grave danger he's in.

In this way Babaji was showing me how He, many times in my life, had

safeguarded me in times of danger, how He kept me safe from the cliffs of

fife.

We were on tour. The midday meal was over. Exhausted from the

unaccustomed heat, the intense vibrations around Babaji and the continual

concentration and alertness needed, I lay down to rest in the only vacant

spot I could find, which happened to be by the hallway in this particular

house.

Deep, sound sleep took over. Maybe it lasted a good quarter hour before it

was shattered by cold and sharp splashes on my face. I sprang upright with

shock and just caught sight of the fleeing image of Babaji disappearing into

an adjacent room.

Hardly had He vanished before He was visible peeping cautiously out of the

doorway. He was s mischievously and obviously enjoying my brief state of

shock.

An Indian man who had observed the scene recounted to me later how

Babaji had stood by my feet for quite some time, watching me. He had even

whistled three times to stir me from slumber. As I didn't respond, He had

someone bring a glass of water and splashed it over my face.

I was quite shaken to hear all this and came to regard it also as a symbol for

the whole of humanity. The Creator calls His creatures by very subtle

means. When they fail to respond, He calls out louder, as in this case, by

whistling. If they still remain deafly immersed in the dreams of the material

world, then life's cold showers are finally called for to wake them up - as it

was with me.

Some days later I had a dream, which reminded me of this event.

I was leaning against a walk observing masses of people milling around.

Suddenly Babaji appeared before me. I hadn't even noticed Him

approaching, and He asked in a soft voice:

"Is there no-one here to receive me?"

A villa in Puri had been rented to accommodate Babaji and His followers.

After taking a late-afternoon bath in the lake, everyone was to gather at a

spot on the shore for the performance of a havan - a ritual fire ceremony.

In India, organizing things like excursions and tours usually takes a long

time and calls for much patience. In Babaji's presence, however, everything

went like clockwork.

A bus turned up on time to take us from our quarters to the lakeshore.

While Babaji and others were bathing in the lake, over on the shore a fire

pit was being skillfully prepared- Wood, fruits, flowers and incense were

brought over and by the time the sun began to set, a fire, dedicated to the

blessing of all beings, was already crackling. In gentle accompaniment

came the sound of waves lapping the shore.

This picture will always remain imprinted on my soul: blazing fire, blood-

red sun sinking into the sea, Babaji's Divine Presence, holy mantras recited

along with the sacrificial offerings, all resounding deep into one's being.

I recall an incident which took place during the autumn Navaratri festival in

Chilianaula, the year the ashram temple was inaugurated.

A group of devotees was sitting with Babaji in the shade of a tree near the

entrance to the temple area. And, like so many other times, Babaji was

handing out prasad. This time it was cucumbers. Babaji bit into one and

then threw it to a devotee.

To newcomers, this might seem somewhat unpleasant, eating something

another person's mouth has touched. This particular devotee was, in fact,

quite happy to take a bite of the large, juicy fruit, but didn't manage to eat it

all up because Babaji motioned him to pass it on to the next person. She

took the bitten prasad with apparent mixed feelings and held it awkwardly

in her hand for a while, wondering whether she could bring herself to take a

bite. It was an embarrassing moment because everyone else was staring at

her, waiting in suspense. Babaji smiled at the young woman and said just

one word, loud and clear: "Antiseptic!"

Thereupon, the woman accepted the prasad and began to eat the cucumber

with obvious enjoyment.

Everything that came from Babaji's hand was blessed and therefore pure

and "antiseptic". One could eat it without worrying about becoming ill.

I once bought a kilo of grapes from the market and presented them to Him

at darshan. They were still wrapped in the newspaper bag and, for lack of

opportunity, were still unwashed.

Babaji drew out a large grape from the bag and handing it to me, said:

"Eat."

In India I took care not to eat unwashed fruit. However, I trusted Him and

had no cause to be concerned because I didn't later come down with some

intestinal disorder.

A well-known yogi, called Sita Ram Dass, lived in Calcutta and had

millions of followers from south India. He knew he was at the end of his

life and prayed for weeks to Babaji to grant him one last darshan.

Babaji fulfilled his wish and traveled to Calcutta, taking with Him some

water from the holy Gautama Ganga River at Haidakhan and three tulsi

leaves. After Sita Ram Dass had partaken of these, he sat with Babaji in

silence for a long time.

Shortly after Babaji's visit, Sita Ram Dass passed away.

The next morning, Babaji let it be known that the spirit of the great yogi

had entered the body of His closest disciple, Shri Muniraju.

While in Calcutta, Babaji was hosted for ten days by a well-to-do Indian

who owned a huge apartment on the tenth floor of a large building. On the

first floor there was a government department for atomic energy and also a

laboratory.

In the last years, Babaji persistently referred to the coming destruction

which will affect everything. Atom bombs will also be involved in this.

It is surely no coincidence that of all places, Babaji performed yagnas

(sacred fire ceremonies), which appease the elements, for ten days in this

very building. He also went down to the laboratory, took hold of a piece of

uranium in His bare hand (uranium is normally only moved under very

strict regulations for self-protection) and carried it back and forth across the

room several times.

During a visit to Calcutta, a city of countless minions, the host invited

Babaji and about forty devotees to make a pilgrimage to Puri. Situated by

the sea in the state of 0risa, Puri is one of India's four most holy cities and is

constantly besieged by pilgrims. It is said that if a person spends three

nights and three days here, then he/she becomes liberated from the

continuous cycle of death and rebirth.

We drove to the famous Jaganath Temple and found it swarming with

pilgrims and six thousand or so Hindu priests, temple guards and guides

who are employed there.

Mob crushing and frenzy prevailed. Countless beggars besieged Babaji and

us. Time and again Babaji threw coins to the wretched throng. "Maharaj,"

they cried out, "Maharaj", and continually tried to cling on to Him.

To one, Babaji gave in abundance, to another, reluctantly, others He

frightened off and others again, He blessed.

It was obvious He was acting in accordance with criteria unknown to us.

"Whosoever knocks ... to him will be given."

After spending two days at the ashram in Haidakhan, during which we

hadn't had much contact with Babaji, my friend and I wanted to leave.

We waited for Babaji to ask Him about it. As He stepped out of His room,

He looked straight at us with a very serious expression. Remaining silent,

He broke a yam (sweet potato) and gave each of us a half. We also kept

silent. However, we were soon laughing with relief and happiness at this

gesture "to eat and to stay".

On the day of my departure, I was seated opposite Babaji, down at the river.

With both hands, He held His staff (long stick) a little in front of Him, so

that it exactly bisected His face. I could only see His dark eyes looking out;

one left and one right of the staff.

This picture made a deep impression on my soul. Today, it still remains a

potent image because the symbolism of this gesture contains everything,

even the apparent separation between the spiritual and the physical.

As a farewell gesture, Babaji accompanied my family and me a little

distance down the valley. Our hearts were heavy. We didn't want to be

separated from Him at all.

Somewhere along the way Babaji stopped, took off His clothes and, with a

smile, gave each of us a garment. Clad only in a lungoti (loin cloth), He

returned to the ashram.

Paths to the Higher Self

"I have come to give, only to give. Are you ready to receive? I give

everything but few ask for what I have really come to give."

Babaji's teachings encompassed all levels of consciousness. In His physical

presence, His words not only referred to the immediate situation, but also

contained a further meaning, one which usually only later dawned on the

recipient. For example, when someone handed Him a packaged gift, He

would often say. "Open.' Such an instruction contained much more than

merely undoing the wrapping. It gave the impulse for inner unfolding, for

the opening of oneself.

From the beginning of time, Babaji has taught on the non-material plane

through dream and visions. Wherever His disciple may be, Babaji has,

reached him/her through materialization of His form, or through the inner

voice.

The profound symbolism in His actions is evident in the stories presented.

The aim of His teachings was the unfolding and development of all those

who surrendered themselves to Him, whether they found themselves in His

physical presence or not. The fundamental pillars of His teachings are

'Truth, Simplicity and Love"; selfless work and the continual repetition of a

name of God, principally OM NAMAHA SHIVAYA (Lord, let Thy Will be

done).

Babaji Himself was a perfect example of these teachings and called for His

disciples to practice the same. Time and again He emphasized the equality

of all religions.

"There is only one Truth ... God is Truth."

God dwells within everybody's heart and can be evoked by the conscious

switching off of all extraneous thoughts. By one-pointedly concentrating on

God, through the constant repetition of His/Her Name, one comes to a state

of inner silence and emptiness. From there, the real experience of God

begins. Everyone who came to Haidakhan indeed experienced the inner

awakening within the heart of the mantra OM NAMAHA SHIVAYA.

For many devotees from the West, the initial experience of rugged life in

Haidakhan was hard going. Such commodities as running water and electric

light arrived only in the last two years.

The food and sleeping quarters were very simple, to say the least. Babaji

Himself occupied a room measuring just three-square meters. He walked

about barefoot and like everyone else, descended daily the 108 stairs to

bathe in the Gautama River.

Detachment from the transient material world was sometimes difficult to

get used to, especially for Westerners accustomed to luxury.

The presence of Babaji made it possible for love to be realized every

moment. Thoughts such as "I" and "mine" dissolved away and a sense of

united humanity became an everyday experience.

"In the past people had difficulty being humane. It is to bring the

message of humanity that I have taken on a body."

Indeed, around Babaji there was no room for racial, caste or religious

distinctions. Rich and poor, scholars and illiterates were all the same to

Babaji, who showed us all how to live with love and respect for one

another.

When needy people came to the ashram, they were fed, clothed and invited

to stay on and work. Sick people, locals as well as those from further away,

were given treatment and care in the little hospital.

Karma yoga, work dedicated to God, was a fundamental part of Babaji's

teachings.

"Work purifies mind and body."

Everyone participated in this. Devotees from all countries, people of all skin

colors, members of all strata of society, Brahmin as well as untouchables,

and people of the most diverse faiths - Sikhs, Christians, Hindus, Moslems,

atheists - simply everyone became involved in heavy, physical work. The

work projects included leveling the side of a mountain to establish garden

beds and the construction of stone ramparts to protect the gardens from the

river swell during the monsoon.

Babaji's presence alone sufficed to enable one to look within and see one's

spiritual state mirrored in Him. Dreams, the daily exertion of effort and will

power, constant work on oneself, discipline, and empathy with others -

these processes were part of inner growth and stimulated the seed, which

had been planted within each person to germinate and open up.

"The result of hard work is happiness and the result of laziness is pain.

The troubles of this world are caused by inactivity."

Babaji was there. Our work was down on the riverbed, shifting rocks. I

noticed Him observing us. He didn't appear pleased with our slow pace and

with the absentmindedness, in our work. Abruptly, He stood up, took hold

of an enormous boulder-which happened to be lying in front of Him, and

hurled it into the water. All of us got soaked to the skin.

He was demonstrating that it's not enough just to work with mindless

tedium, rather, everything that has been entrusted to us to carry out, requires

our enthusiasm and the application of all our powers and skills.

Once, while we were busy leveling the side of a mountain in Haidakhan to

make way for stables for the animals and garden beds, Babaji waved me

over to Him. Seated on a smooth white rock, He appeared solemn and

peaceful.

As I approached, He called out: "Come and eat!" and pointed to a spot by

His Feet where I should sit down. I was baffled by His words because it was

obvious He had nothing edible with Him. Again, He said: 'Come and eat'

and in silence let me partake of spiritual nourishment.

After four weeks in Haidakhan I had become so weak I could hardly move

my body. A heavy intestinal infection with its attendant diarrhea and forced

fasting (due to my inability to assimilate food) as well as my own psychic

resistances, all served well to bring me to this state. I could see only

blackness before my eyes.

Nevertheless, Babaji's words "be courageous" kept coming to my mind and

supplied the impetus and energy to get me moving and joining the workers

down at the riverbed. They were carrying rocks across the river and setting

them into a high embankment. The opaque brown water was knee-high. It

was, after all, monsoon time.

The workers carefully moved through the river, stepping gingerly from one

wobbly, slippery stone and unto the next, testing first for stability. The

strong current made it even harder to maintain balance. Many toes were cut

and bleeding. Yet I noticed one man who appeared uninitiated by all of this.

With just a few spirited, nimble jumps, he managed to cross the river in no

time. What if I were to do likewise? Instantly, I felt as energetic as he and

so I followed him. With two heavy rocks on my shoulders, I made it quickly

across and then back again.

And so it continued unfailingly for some hours. I was amazed at myself and

proud of my achievement and naturally hoped Babaji would show some

acknowledgment. He ignored me exactly in the same way He ignored me

when I was plagued by weakness and doubt. At evening darshan, He still

disregarded me. Disappointment hit deep and the next day I was weak all

over again.

Then, a few days later, I understood the meaning of His demeanor. Without

uttering a single word, He had demonstrated how I stop myself short

through my limiting thoughts and attitudes and that by taking courage and

trusting wholly in Him, I can surely realize far beyond them.

"This work is not only for the present purpose. This work will go with you

wherever you go; even after you leave the body and go to another world,

this work will go with you. You will be benefited by it. Whatever kind of

garden you make here and whatever seeds you sow here, you will get

there also. This is a spiritual work, not a material one."

It is of no mean significance that our work involved us wading through the

river. Water cleanses internally as well as externally.

Today I realize that it was out of His love for us that Babaji let us do such

work in order to purify the imbalances and weaknesses accumulated in this

and previous lifetimes.

There was a huge rock down at the river that had to be shifted. Most of the

superficial sand and stones embedding it had been cleared away and now

several men were attempting to raise the rock with the use of crowbars.

Their attempts were, alas in vain. So more and more sand was removed and

a bevel was dug out. The men's faces were dripping with perspiration as

they tried to lever the rock onto its side and roll it away. But the rock wasn't

budging. Their efforts came to nothing,

Babaji, who had been observing these trials, came up and laid His hand on

the rock. He nodded to the men to keep going. Again they applied all their

strength ... the rock slowly leaned over and soon it was being rolled away.

Internally I heard Babaji's voice saying:

"Live and act in unity, create harmonious balance, like Shiva and Shakti.

Consciously foster the energies within you so that they flow through your

hands and bring success to the great diversity of activities you perform.

This is in accordance with the Higher Order."

When Babaji sent me to do Karma Yoga in the hospital, I knew the reason

why. I was secretly afraid of being confronted by a contagious disease and I

knew I needed to learn a lot more about orderliness too.

In this job I had to catalogue things, tidy out cupboards, sort out medicines -

in fact, the sort of thing I did with much reluctance at home.

The lesson about fearlessness has been very beneficial for me. As for

orderliness - well, I'm still not quite there; it must be an old, embedded vice.

One time many Sikhs came to the ashram to have darshan of Babaji. Before

approaching Him, they began to unroll their long turbans, thus baring their

heads.

"Why are you doing that?" Babaji asked.

"Honored Master, you are a Hindu; we are Sikhs. We don't wish to offend

your religion when we pay our respects to you."

"God has different names, yet He is One!" answered Babaji, and the very

next day, to the joy of the Sikhs, He wore a turban.

"There are many holy places that are limited to a particular religion.

There have been and there still are many temples, churches and religious

centers, but this is the only universal pilgrim center. Every particle of this

holy place – Haidakhan Vishva Mahadham – has the power to enlighten

us.

It is of vital importance to everybody who comes here and wants to be

benefited spiritually to have darshan of the dhuni. A boon has been given

to this dhuni – that whosoever comes to have its darshan and meditates

and worships there, will be relieved of all ailments whether physical,

mental or spiritual."

I am a faithful Moslem. Shortly before I left Haidakhan, Babaji presented me

with a mala (prayer beads). I accepted it but paid it little attention because it

was not my custom to wear a mala. I put it in my bag and there it remained,

at home, for several months.

When I was leaving to go on summer vacation, there, by coincidence, it fell

into my hands again. I began counting the beads. There were sixty-six. Now

sixty-six happens to be the number of the name of »Allah" according to

Arabic script. If one takes the Arabic letters and gives them their

corresponding numbers, as is also done with the Hebrew script, then this

totals sixty-six.

In India all malas contain 108 beads or ninety-nine (as in the case of the

Moslems). Malas with sixty-six beads are nowhere to be found.

This particular mala was subdivided into six sections, with four left over.

That adds up to ten plus one for the thread, equals eleven. Eleven is the

number of the Islamic name "Hua".

"Hua" means "He" or "It" and is deemed the essential root of the name

"Allah".

This demonstrated to me Babaji's universality. Through this mala Babaji also

gave me to understand that the Islamic way is the right path for me because

He advised everyone to 'follow the religion that is in your heart".

"Christ has moved into your heart," Babaji said on Christmas Day to a

little blond boy who was sitting on His lap.

Being a foreigner, I was barred from entering the famous Jaganath Temple in

Puri. Only Hindus are entitled to step inside. Some hours after the visit to the

temple, several priests serving that holy place, appeared at the villa where

Babaji was staying. They had come to pay their respects. They had brought

flower garlands, which had been blessed in their temple, and went about

placing them around the necks of the people present. I, too, was approached.

'No," I protested. "Keep your 'mala'. I don't want it." I found their hypocrisy

- outrageous. "As a foreigner I'm banned from visiting your temple, yet you

now want me to wear your blessed garland."

Sitting beside me was an English-speaking Indian gentleman who

interpreted my argument to the astonished priests. This exchange was carried

on in low whispers. Meanwhile, numerous devotees besieged Babaji, seated

in another corner of the room. He couldn't have heard us...

Yet, He called me to Him and said:

"Sit."

He let me know through an interpreter it didn't please Him at all that I had

been forced away from the temple. He lovingly stroked my hair.

Thereupon, a heavy argument flared up between the priests and Babaji's

devotees. Each side tried to drown out the other's loudness. At last, when the

battle of words got too heated, Babaji intervened.

"All people are equal", He said. "To be sure, external differences exist,

such as distinctions between races, but all human beings are one. They are

the children of the same Creator."

The argument began to crackle again, but Babaji put an end to it by an

unusual gesture.

Slowly and deliberately, He took a strand of my dark blonde hair in His hand

and plaited it with the raven black hair of an Indian lady. It was as if He were

performing a holy act.

In the deep silence which fell, the symbol of this gesture was plain for all to

see.

"After the great purification there will be one common worldwide

understanding, one nation. Humanity will be one family."

For years I have been convinced that Babaji and Melchizedek, whose name

appears in both the New and Old Testaments, are one and the same. I even

put it to Babaji, who answered me with a gesture of blessing, which I take as

a confirmation.

Melchizedek is King of the World. His name means, literally, "King of

Justice" or "King of Peace". He features in the "Letters of Paul". Mention is

also made in "Hebrews", where Melchizedek is described as the highest

priest and also king. His priestly office rates the same as that of Christ's.

In "Hebrews", Paul writes the following about Christ: "You are a priest in

eternity, of the same order as Melchizedek." According to Paul, Melchizedek

had neither father nor mother, nor family tree. The same applies to Babaji, so

there is clear inference that the two are expressions of the same function, if

not indeed the same being.

Melchizedek is one of the most mysterious figures in the Old and New

Testaments. In the Old, he has an encounter with Abraham where it is said

that he brings Abraham. some bread and wine (the basic elements of the

Eucharist and significant elements in Judaic ritual). It says that Abraham

gave him all things, just as folk used to give theirs to the Levites.

As the priestly office of Christ belongs to the order of Melchizedek, so the

priestly offices of Moses and Aaron belong to the order of Abraham. Thus

there exists a hierarchy in orders between Abraham and Melchizedek or

Moses and Christ.

There is also the view that Melchizedek is the same as Manu who is part of

the Hindu tradition. Manu is the regent of this whole cycle of creation,

known also as the King of Dharma. This ties in again with Babaji in that He

has said that He has come to re-establish the Sanatana Dharma, the Eternal

Divine Law.

So these are some clues as to the identity of Babaji and Melchizedek. They

represent for me a bridge between the Sanatana Dharma and the Christian-

Judaic tradition.

One evening Babaji said to me: "What I have placed inside you shall one

day stream forth like a mighty fountain and you'll think it must have

sprung up from the ground you have been standing on."

I have always had trouble dealing with official, bureaucratic or

organizational matters. I simply ignore them and fail to give them any

importance.

Before my first visit to Babaji in Haidakhan, I had simply omitted to write

and ask permission to come. Right from the start, Babaji picked up on this

failing of mine. The very first thing He said to me was that I should stand

before Him only so long as it takes to ask for His consent to be allowed to

stay in Haidakhan at all.

It was like being struck over the head and it took a little time before I did

ask. He consented but on the condition that I go immediately to the office

and register!

Babaji was greeting the new arrivals, myself among them. As I paid my

respects to Him, my rational mind was trying desperately not to lose

perspective of the encounter. After Babaji had moved away, I wanted to

convince myself that, all in all, nothing extraordinary had taken place.

Actually, it was the reverse. I felt as though I was awakening suddenly from

another world, a world I didn't even realize I'd been in. I remembered now

how an immense force had taken hold of me and stolen me away to an inner

world of peace. My rational mind was engrossed in playing critical observer,

yet, simultaneously, I had awareness of being in another dimension and, for

a short space of time, there was no point of contact between the two.

During my early days with Babaji, intellect and skepticism chaperoned ray

every step. More from habit than desire, I scrutinized His every expression,

gesture, movement and demeanor.

It was impossible to manipulate Babaji to get His attention. The more I

observed, the less I understood of anything. Had I been taken in by some

charlatan? But what of the unmistakable feeling that a mighty suction had

drawn me here? A feeling that here, I was being given a once in a lifetime

chance, a chance no-one on this earth could give me apart from Babaji.

Gratitude welled up inside of me and it became increasingly clear that, in

this place, I couldn't understand anything because there was simply nothing

to understand. At the same time, I started to see the traps I was setting up for

myself, ones that prevented my opening up to what was really taking place

here.

The people at the ashram seemed so extreme. All day I had to struggle with

feelings of aggression against someone or other. Then Babaji's love finally

got through to me and seemed to say:

"Don't measure yourself against anyone else; you, too, are extreme. Go

your own way as each of the others goes their way. Your path is not their

path and their path is not yours."

How painful it was to accept this love. Whenever I encountered Babaji I got

stomach cramps and guilt feelings, which made no sense in the context of

this lifetime. I wanted to clutch onto something for security, even if it was

artificial and of no permanence.

Each time Babaji seemed to be telling me:

"It's all over. I have long forgiven you, so why can't you forgive yourself?

Just let go. Your sense of security is illusion. I will give you security, until

such time as you find it within yourself."

Pranaming before Babaji stirred up early memories of kneeling down in

church. An unpleasant sensation was evoked which was difficult to shake

off.

In former days, bowing down was, equivalent to subjugation to a higher,

unpredictable power.

Although I felt dependent on God, the God I knew was one who forbade,

restricted and demanded renunciation, so the act of bowing down reinforced

my sense of powerlessness and ineffectiveness. As I couldn't let go of these

associations, I stopped pranaming to Babaji. I didn't want to be dishonest to

myself. But this didn't bring me further, either. Babaji's benevolence was

plain to see, but I was making no progress.

Finally, a conversation with a lady helped me move ahead. She told me:

"Forge all your conditioning up to this point, enjoy yourself, pranam before

Babaji as often as you can and pay attention to what happens inside you

when you bow down."

At the next darshan, I prostrated myself at Babaji's Feet and dispatched my

reasoning mind to the devil. Instantly the sense of subjugation was no more.

As I relaxed and opened, ego conditioning faded into nothing. All I could

feel was Babaji's love stream into me, filling me out and lifting me up high

with its great power. When I stood up at last, Babaji's cupped hands, heaped

with sweets, shot out to me. It was like a child who, in a sudden fit of love,

gives everything, but everything he has.

One evening, while standing in line for darshan, I experienced deep love in

my heart. It lasted only a little while but seemed to say:

"God is not the punitive one, always reproaching us for our shortcomings.

Love knows no scale of above or below. We cannot expect God to come

down to our level; rather, we need to make efforts to rise higher and

higher till we reach divine consciousness where divine love fills us and

where we become partners with God in the universal plan of Truth,

Simplicity and Love."

Notions of visions, enlightenment, nirvana, suddenly lost all meaning for

me. The opening of the heart chakra placed everything else in shadow.

Then I noticed Babaji’s gaze slip past the people ahead of me in the queue

until it rested on my eyes, whereupon He nodded three times.

The return journey from Haidakhan sometimes turned out to be quite

unpredictable. It involved a one-and-a -half hour trek along the river,

arriving at a bus stop where a bus took one as far as the next small town of

Haldwani, but the bus ran only twice a day. From Haldwani onwards to

Delhi, one could either catch another bus or alternatively hire

the "newspaper" taxi, which offered cheaper rates than the normal taxis. My

intention was to try for the latter.

Horses had been ordered for 7 a.m. the next morning to bring me as far as

the bus stop. At 5 a.m. I was waiting outside Babaji's room for my last

chandan. During my whole stay in Haidakhan, this had taken place never

later than 5.30 a.m., so I had figured on doing my packing afterwards. But

today, of all days, nothing had yet happened. 5.30 a.m. came and went, then

six. I was getting nervous. Then someone passed by carrying a bucket of

water for Babaji's bath. I was in a flap now and the mounting tension soon

became unbearable.

However, I managed to calm myself down briefly and observe some inner

murmurings: "Don't you realize at all what an enormous privilege it is to be

here with Babaji? So what does it matter if you arrive in Delhi today or

tomorrow? It's only for your highest good that things happen the way they

do."

Still, I was not relaxed as we sat around the fire with Babaji at 6.30 a.m.

Thoughts of horses and a bus, long gone, spun round in endless loops inside

my head.

Shortly before seven, I raced into my room and quickly packed my stuff.

Breathless, I reached the river. No sign of horses. A further thirty minutes

were to pass before the horses appeared, led by an Indian who proceeded to

calmly squat down and wait until all those departing that morning had shown

up!

Finally, we were on the move - slowly, no rush. Riding through the beautiful

valley, my resistance finally snapped. I took joy in nature, let myself be led

and forgot all my expectations.

When we reached the bus stop, we learned that the first bus hadn't left, due

to a mechanical breakdown. For that reason, the second bus would leave

earlier than scheduled. In fact, we only had to wait ten minutes before it was

ready to set off.

I was deeply ashamed of myself and infinitely grateful for this latest lesson

Babaji had given me.

It was summertime and very hot. I was working in the dhuni garden, without

any head covering, under the scorching noonday sun. Physical discomfort

was soon joined by discouragement and despondency. My mind could only

see the long, long road involving incredible effort yet before me on the

spiritual path. I could see so many weaknesses still present in me and

believed I would never ever reach my goal.

Not far away was Babaji, sitting with some devotees at the dhuni.

Bells started calling everyone to lunch. The path leading out of the garden

went past Babaji.

No way did I want to meet Him in this depressed state. I chose to take the

more difficult route across the river, jumping from one pointed rock to the

next.

As soon as the meal was over, I got up quickly and made for my room to

take a rest. To reach there I had to pass by a teashop and was shocked to

recognize a devotee sitting there on a bench. I knew it was her current duty

to be constantly accompanying Babaji wherever He went. I dashed by, not

daring to look around.

"Kinnari!" I heard my Master call my name. My heart, which felt as though

it had jumped to my throat, was pounding. I hastened back to the teashop

and stepped inside. There, as I had guessed, sat Babaji, looking silently at

me out of black, unfathomable eyes. He motioned me to take a seat and went

on talking with some devotees crouched around Him. Now and then He shot

me fleeting glances. Suddenly He ordered me to come closer. I only needed

to take two or three steps and I was directly next to Him. He tugged at my

dress so I slid down and was sitting at His Feet.

Sore I was confused, yet in the next instant, spontaneously, I knew what it

was about. The subtlety of Babaji's ways never ceases to astound. He

externalized my inner states, letting me come to understanding. He showed,

in His infinite love: "Look here, life is made up of constant ups and downs.

Only by these constant changes, both within and without, is it possible to

gather knowledge and grow and gradually come closer to the goal.

Everything is in motion and only through this motion can one advance."

I became happy and grateful and bowed down to Him, full of inner joy. He

dwells inside us and is always with us, guiding our every step. It is

impossible to avoid or hide from divine omniscience. On the contrary, we

should take courage and know that He is always present, leading us on our

way.

"Be firm like a rock, deep and serious like the sea…"

With rather too much haste and not enough preparation, I set off on my first

journey to Haidakhan. I was trustful. The rainy season had begun. This

meant that instead of following the usual, lower and shorter track along the

river, my guide and I had to make the eight hour walk through hilly jungle.

The rain came pouring down and the trek itself was arduous. With the air so

hot and wet, it was like being inside a greenhouse. I had omitted to bring

some provisions along and in fact, hadn't eaten for two days out of sheer

excitement at the prospect of laying eyes on Babaji-at last, of actually being

given the chance to meet Him in physical form.

To make lighter of the hike, I kept singing the mantra OM NAMAHA

SHIVAYA, sometimes loudly, sometimes silently. As we walked on, the

intrinsic power of the mantra was becoming self-evident and filling me with

awe. The longer I sang, the easier the way became for me and I wasn't

troubled by hunger or thirst. The power in this mantra was simply

overwhelming.

We arrived in Haidakhan in the evening. Babaji was sitting on a rock waiting

for us. His radiance was indescribable, simply overpowering.

That night I had a dream. In the jungle, people and wild animals of all kinds

lived alongside each other in peace. The rainforest was bathed in light and

the air resounded with countless voices. Here was paradise and here was I in

this paradise. Without burdens and blissfully happy. I was at home.

My first contact with Babaji occurred in the evening of the day I arrived in

Haidakhan and it shook me to the core of my being.

I was in a somewhat unconscious, dreamy state as I walked in the semi-

darkness by a group of people. Suddenly I felt somebody grab hold of me

and was startled to recognize it was Babaji. The meaning of His gesture

became clear in retrospect. He was highlighting my habit of going about life

unaware, to the point that I could even pass by the Divine without noticing.

It was a custom when visiting Babaji to come bearing a small gift. Prior to

my first visit I had read up on Indian customs with some interest, but this

one had escaped me.

Having arrived in Haidakhan, I adopted a wait-and-see attitude. Only two

days had passed before I realized that without uttering a single word, Babaji

had indeed "gently knocked". I cried a good deal, especially during morning

and evening Aarati while Babaji was present.

The third day I was ready to give Him my most treasured emerald ring.

I still remember how, as we sat at dusk in the garden full of flowers, I knelt

before Him and stretched out the palm of my hand, offering Him the ring.

He carefully took it in His hand and asked: "What about it?"

"The ring is for you."

"For me? Good, that is very good," He answered.

How blessed I felt to watch Babaji slip His small finger through the ring, the

one I was so attached to. He wore it for two days.

On the third day He was sitting with some devotees in a room occupied by

an Indian lady. I joined them and was overcome with dismay to notice the

ring on the finger of the Indian lady.

How could Babaji have given it away?

Indescribable was the pandemonium, which erupted inside me. My urge was

to storm out.

Instead, I started repeating the mantra OM NAMAHA SHIVAYA to restore

inner peace. In the short while I'd been in Haidakhan, enough headway had

been made for me to be able to do this.

By contrast, Babaji was the picture of serenity. Now and again He would

shoot me a glance from the corners of His eyes. Finally, in answer to my

turmoil, He gave me a gift of a Polaroid photo just taken. It was a picture of

Him; His index finger was raised thus telling me to be alert.

A few days later I had a dream pertaining to this little incident. In the dream,

Babaji was flinging all my jewelry into a deep pool!

"You go on one side only!" said Babaji softly as I wildly jumped to one side

and then to the other in an effort to get out of his way. Quick as a flash, He

moved towards me on the pathway. I nearly tripped over Him.

His words meant (for me): Even though there are many pathways to God,

take one and stay on it.

In Babaji's presence, I found it impossible to formulate a clear thought.

Through my facial expression I was able to convey my deepest concern - my

question about truth. His answer came by the same means - by His look. His

consciousness reflecting as a mirror showed me that He was free from

thought. That was far beyond what I expected to get as an answer - an

unforgettable gift.

It was about four weeks before Shri Babaji was to take Mahasamadhi. I was

going down the 108 stairs with Him one morning. He was carrying a staff,

which He often did when wandering across the river valley. Ahead of me, by

a step or two, He suddenly turned round and eyeing me meaningfully,

handed the staff over. He had made this gesture many times before, so I

didn't hesitate in taking hold of it. Only this time, I was startled because he

wouldn't let go of it and tapped my hand with its knob.

Well now, I thought, what's He on about? What's the teaching here? He

moved again to pass me the staff. I reached out to take it but this time I acted

slowly, with concentration. Again I copped a light tap on the back of the

hand. Now it was obvious. I shouldn't seize the staff automatically.

The lesson was, however, not yet over.

Once again Babaji paused to hand me the staff. This time I didn't reach out

for it but waited in readiness with an open palm for whatever came next. He

placed the staff gently into my hand and let it go. Only then did I dare take a

good grip on it. As if to impress on me strongly the significance and

importance of this gesture, He repeated this play once more. After that, he

turned around and sprinted lightly down the stairs, leaving me holding the

staff.

For a long while I tried to fathom the deeper meaning behind this symbolic

play. The staff represented to me the Law and the Power. What I understood

was that I should not seize either of them out of my own will or in other

words, take them without divine permission.

"Do not take the Law into your own hands. Be guided by the Law; do not

control the Laws by taking them into your own hands."

Late one afternoon many people had gathered in the garden of a devotee's

house. They had come to have darshan of Babaji, who was seated on a

Hollywood swing, gently swinging to and fro. One after the other, people

would approach Him, bow down and make a small offering of fruits, sweets,

flowers.

I was somewhere in the crowd watching the goings-on.

A while later, Aarati was performed before Babaji, during which a gold-

colored sari was reverently draped over His head and shoulders. Catching

sight of this sari, whose color I found most enticing, set off a sudden wildfire

of thoughts in my mind: "Yellow, the color of wisdom. I wonder who will be

given the sari? Will He give it to me?"

I exerted great effort to put a stop to these thoughts; it was in vain.

"I don't want a sari, yet this one is so beautiful. I wonder if He would give it

to me?"

Instantly, Babaji called out my name. As I stood up and moved towards Him,

the heat of shame and embarrassment surged through my body. It didn't take

much guessing as to why He was calling for me.

As I straightened up before Him, He tore the sari off and flung it wildly into

my arms. I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

Yet I understood what His gesture was telling me:

"Don't I give you enough, then? Don't you get everything from me that

you need? Why do you persist in attachment to material things? When will

you finally learn?"

How I made my way back to my seat, I don't know. I only know that I

hesitated for weeks afterwards before wearing the sari.

The Play as Mirror of Truth

"I am only a mirror in which you can see yourself."

Playfulness was intrinsic to Babaji's teachings. Behind these plays, however,

lay profound seriousness. Through play, Babaji transformed everything

around Him and revealed its spiritual quality. In order to bring one to

realization and insight, Babaji would play out the consciousness level of the

person He was immediately dealing with. Babaji was a flawless mirror in

whom each person could clearly see his/her own current state of

consciousness reflected. He treated each person according to his/her needs.

For example, if a devotee was indecisive and asked for advice, Babaji would

give him/her the most contradictory answers until the person could make the

decision for him/herself.

Similarly, with people who were full of self-importance and superiority,

Babaji would assign them important duties to perform and show them

favoritism and thereby let their ego inflate more and more. Just as they were

bursting with arrogance, He would order them to leave the ashram or give

them some humbling job or experience. The shy ones, Babaji ignored just so

long as it took them to lose their composure.

Through the play with our emotions, everyone learned to find a healthier

balance. The indecisive ones were soon capable of making decisions. Egoists

lost their arrogance and the insecure ones discovered an inner power and

strength. As each one confronted him/herself in the mirror of Babaji, each

recognized the role in the play one bad chosen for oneself.

In addition, one was faced by one’s own transitory nature or impermanence,

an experience that is humbling. It was painful to realize that every act of

will, every action arising from "I" with its accompanying thoughts and

feelings, was of no real substance, had no true reality. No willful act was in

accord with God’s Will. Out of this far-reaching realization of one’s triviality

came the certainty that everything takes place according to Divine Plan,

whose aim is to awaken the spirit lying dormant and unconscious within.

The following experiences show clearly how Babaji treated each devotee

individually and guided him/her according to his/her condition and ability to

take in the lessons.

I was in Haidakhan on my second visit when it suddenly struck me how

crazy it was to be here; far from home, separated from family, job and

ordinary daily life; to be here in the midst of snake-infested, rugged forests,

suffering the discomfort of worms in the faeces and nagging insects and, to

top it off, the unbearable heat. Had I really gone mad? I made up my mind to

go and question Babaji in detail as to what He could, in fact, teach me. If He

would actually show me how to do teleportation, then it might be

worthwhile putting up with these vexations.

With the courage of determination, I approached Him... Now I had been

forewarned not to ask Babaji anything because He already knew what I

needed and would provide it at the right time. So, mustering extra bravado, I

asked Him:

"What can you teach me and may I learn teleportation?"

He answered:

"I can teach you to maintain silence, to follow my instructions ... you talk

too much ... I don't like chatterboxes ... you can leave tomorrow."

So the next morning I prepared to depart. Part of me was relieved and

another part sad. I packed my bag and went down and sat on the steps by the

river, waiting for my horse to arrive and take me to the [dam] site. I closed

my eyes and wondered what I had done wrong. Inwardly I asked Babaji to

reveal my mistake. What was wrong with the question about teleportation? I

heard His voice inside saying, "You have too many desires." So that was it!

If that's the case, then I wanted to be rid of them all. I tested to see if I were

truly prepared to be without wishes ... no, there were still some there seeking

fulfillment. But suppose it were nevertheless possible? Then I found myself

silently repeating the statement "I am now truly ready to renounce all my

desires." Gradually I became aware of a space within me, which felt

genuinely free from desire. A little while later I opened my eyes and saw

Babaji standing before me...

"You may stay," He said and smiled.

One time Babaji was mimicking my facial expressions and way of speaking.

At first I was baffled and wondered what He meant by it and then I

comprehended: Babaji is a walking mirror in which I recognize myself. I

took the teaching that I needed to change myself.

On one young woman who was on her first visit to Haidakhan, Babaji used a

method that was hard-hitting.

"Don't you have any children?" He asked.

"No."

"Why not?", He said, coming at her menacingly with His arm rose ready to

hit her. The woman burst out crying. Babaji threw her into my arms. This

play was reenacted several times. Each time, when her tears had dried up, it

would begin again.

It was revealed finally that the woman had had an abortion several months

earlier and she hadn't yet got over it. She hadn't said a word about it, yet

Babaji knew and used this method to bring the unresolved problem to the

surface and enabled it to be released.

After five days in Haidakhan I fell ill. The extreme conditions of the

beginning monsoon climate had taken its toll on my physical strength. Out

of sheer weakness I had fallen down the wet slippery stairs and hurt my right

arm and the pain was severe.

Working with the heavy rocks on the riverbed, I tried to go easy on my arm.

Babaji was overseeing the work and noticed this. He came over and shouted:

"Both hands!"

Startled, I now set about using both hands and applying full strength and

then realized I was working without pain. My arm was healed.

It made me very happy when, on my many stays with Babaji in Haidakhan,

He gave me the duty of "porter". This entailed accompanying the Master all

day long and carrying a bag which contained all sorts of weird and

wonderful things: lollies, nuts, sultanas, etc., as prasad for those busy at

karma yoga and also wads of small denomination notes to pay the Nepalese

itinerant workers. On this visit also – it was four weeks before Babaji was to

leave the body - He had given me this assignment:

One day, as well as the bag, I had to carry round a camera. Babaji was

walking with an elderly Indian lady through the Company Garden down by

the river. She was from Bombay and had been with Babaji for many years.

She was due to depart the next day and as it turned out, it was to be her last

day with Babaji in physical form. Both had passed a little ahead of me and

sat down on a rock ledge at the far end of the garden. Babaji called to me to

take photos of them. There were two exposures left on the film. Afterwards

He indicated I should remove the film cartridge from the camera. Well, I

wasn't familiar with this camera and I'm not particularly adept at technical

matters. I couldn't find the rewind button.

Babaji appeared somewhat impatient, so, not to leave Him waiting any

longer, I simply turned the rewind crank. Naturally the film tore. Babaji

heard the sound and asked, as if absentmindedly, "Tom?".

I had already noticed that day how Babaji seemed removed, as if in some

other world. His movements were markedly slower. He was aware of

everything as always but as if from some yonder distance. Looking at me

through His infinitely deep eyes, He took the camera out of my hand, turned

it over playfully, making no deliberate movement. Suddenly, the back of the

camera fell open and out dropped a little piece of tom film. Babaji picked it

up and rolled it around one finger and then another. The silence you could

almost touch was abruptly shattered by the arrival of an Indian who

immediately began a long, gabbling speech.

Patiently Babaji listened to him, at times nodding His head. Finally He

placed the torn piece of negative film, which He had all the while been

curling around His fingers, onto the man's lap, with the words:

"Here, take this. I have infused the film with healing mantras. Hang it on

the doors of rooms where there are sick people."

At Findhorn I met a young lady who, I was told, had a Master in India. I

expressed interest and she showed me a picture of Babaji. His face moved

me so deeply that I ran to the meditation room and started to cry. The tears

wouldn't stop coming. I felt instinctively that I knew Babaji but had

somehow forgotten Him and that this being in the photograph was the key to

everything I had been searching for.

From that time on, I continued to repeat the mantra OM NAMAHA

SHIVAYA and to talk with Babaji internally. One day I got a clear

instruction from Him to go at night to the top of a hill in the area. This hill

was supposed to have strong energy. When I reached the top of the hill I

asked Babaji what all this effort in the middle of the night was about. As I

gazed at the stars in the clear sky, I heard His answer within.

"Whenever you sense this call, then follow it. I want absolute, unequivocal

obedience. Do you really want to be my disciple? I will ask a great deal of

you. You will have to renounce a great deal."

My spontaneous answer was:

"There is nothing to even consider; with my whole heart I want to follow

you."

From then on Babaji was well and truly in my fife. He worked with me and

tested my obedience. One night I dreamt of Him - We were at the riverbed in

Haidakhan together. We were leaping over the white stones, laughing and

joking. Although many people seemed to be present, it felt as if only He and

I were there. After a while Babaji sat down on a rock and I crouched at His

Feet. I looked at Him and said, "I thank you for this wonderful afternoon.

Joy means so much to me, yet it is not all that I want from you. You have to

give me more."

Babaji smiled and said:

"You have passed the test. I wanted to hear these words from you."

I wrote to Babaji to ask permission to come to Haidakhan. In reply He sent

me a picture painted by Him. It showed a path leading up a mountain and at

the top were a hut and some trees. As I gazed at the picture I knew somehow

that I'd be with Babaji on April 21st.

On 18 April, I arrived in Delhi. So impatient was I to have my first darshan

at long last, that I thought, "Why waste time in Delhi? I'll set off a day

earlier." Within an hour of making this decision, I came down with fever and

diarrhea. I became upset and asked Babaji what all this meant. His answer

was: "You're supposed to come on the twenty-first. I don't want you

showing up any earlier." I accepted this and within hours already began to

feel well again.

I indeed arrived in Haidakhan on 21 April, though with considerable

difficulty. To reach it, I had to wade through the river many times. The

surrounding mountains looked insubstantial, as if held there only by

vibrations of OM NAMAHA SHIVAYA. On reaching the ashram I noticed a

small group of people moving across the riverbed. They paused. One of

them was Babaji. He shone. All during the journey I was communicating

with Him and now as I greeted Him, He enquired smilingly:

"Where do you come from?"

It was a good joke.

Instead of the scheduled two weeks, I got to stay six months with Babaji.

When I returned home I was reminded of His hint about possibly having to

renounce everything. My marriage was at an end. During my absence, my

husband had found a new partner.

"No bird can fly except by my willing it."

A year had passed since I was last with Babaji. On arriving in Delhi, I

learned that He was in town to give darshan and would fly on to Calcutta the

next day. I rushed off to find Him.

What joy to be seeing Him again!

After darshan Babaji fulfilled the wishes of some devotees by honoring them

with a visit to their home. As He was stepping into a car, He invited me to sit

in the back beside the lady who was to be the hostess. We rode in silence

through the streets teeming with fife. Then Babaji turned around and

enquired if I had a ticket and reservation for Calcutta.

"No," I said.

"Well then, you have to stay here."

"Oh please not!"

"You no like?" he asked and smiled.

Babaji knew I had a deep yearning to accompany Him to Calcutta. I was not

in the slightest concerned that I had no ticket or reservation, even though I

had beard that all flights were booked out on account of the Asian Games

just ending. The next morning, at 7 a.m. I was at the airport with my bag

packed. I was told at the counter where I did manage to purchase a ticket that

I'd have at least three days' wait before being allocated a seat. For Babaji's

flight there were already 280 passengers on the waiting list.

Meanwhile Babaji had arrived at the airport and a large crowd surrounded

Him as He sat like an ordinary tourist in the airport lounge. More and more

people gathered and somehow I managed to slip through the crowd and

move in close to Him. I was holding the ticket in my hand and feeling

confident Babaji would take me into the aircraft with Him. As soon as He

caught sight of me, He instructed one of the prominent Indians present to see

to it that I obtained a seat. The man returned without achieving anything.

This play was repeated twice and each time the person assigned to secure me

a seat came back without success. Still, my faith that I would be on this

flight was unshakable.

At last the flight departure was announced. Babaji stood up to go to the

departure lounge. He took hold of my ticket and gave it to a fourth Indian

and told me to follow him. Carrying my luggage, we proceeded to the Indian

Airlines counter. It was already closed. Behind the counter, mad confusion

reigned with much gesticulating and shouting. My escort made his way

determinate through the chaos and managed somehow to get hold of not one,

but five boarding cards. The words came to me "Believe and ye shall

receive". That flight will always remain in my memory. I was given a seat

behind Babaji and a few times He turned around and exchanged some words

with me.

Reading religious books for many years had strengthened my yearning for

spiritual guidance.

I didn't want to become a disciple of just any guru. Gurus, I thought, are just

like us; they are born and they die. Avatars though are exceptional. I

discovered a book in Bengali called Blessings and Precepts. It contained

information about the old Haidakhan Baba, acknowledged as the incarnation

of the immortal Babaji and included two photographs, which so captivated

me that I began to pray to this Babaji. Later I came across Autobiography

of a Yogi, which contained further descriptions of Babaji. I was so impressed

with this book that I prayed to be accepted as His disciple.

The years went by and gradually I felt Babaji closer and closer. One day a

friend of my father's mentioned that Babaji had reappeared in the form of

Haidakhan Baba and was living somewhere in north India in the Himalayan

Mountains. This friend had even visited Him and had invited Him, on behalf

of many devotees, to visit them in Assam. Babaji fulfilled their wish and

came. On the second day after His arrival in Assam, I took a good look at

Him, from a distance. He didn't resemble the picture in the book and this

threw me into confusion.

It was hard recognizing Yogananda's Babaji in this one. Yet I was drawn to

Him like a magnet.

Hesitantly I approached Him, bowed down and asked: "Are you Babaji?"

Someone standing nearby answered, "Yes, He's Babaji."

In the Autobiography it is said that Babaji initiates some earnest seekers into

Kriya Yoga so I asked for this initiation but He declined. I wasn't ready to

give up so easily and so persisted.

"If you don't initiate me then my life has no meaning any more. I'd rather

die."

Babaji gave me a look, which penetrated my heart. I was in shock from the

energy issuing forth from His eyes. I was trembling as all became silent. At

last, He said: "Come to Vrindavan. There you shall receive from me what

you desire."

I doubted that my employer would be willing to give me any more days off

so soon after this break, but Babaji assured me: "Don’t worry; soon you’ll

be able to come."

Four or five months later my elderly father was accompanying Babaji on a

visit to various holy sites. At Madhuban, near Vrindavan, he had a fall and

injured his hip and had to be taken to hospital. Because of this I was able to

take leave and go to Babaji in Vrindavan where He initiated me into Kriya

Yoga.

I was once in Haidakhan at a time when the Gautama Ganga rages more than

trickles along.

Its waters were swollen immensely as a result of the monsoon rains.

Crossing the swift current alone is precarious. One morning Babaji and I

were going over to the side where the nine temples stand and this meant we

had to cross the surging waters. I was carrying an expensive camera as well

as a movie camera and we had to tread on slippery rocks so maintaining

balance was quite an ordeal. But I was with Babaji who took hold of my

hand to give me support. He had objected to my plastic shoes so I removed

them and stuck them into the back of my belt. Babaji pointed to them, shook

His head and said: "No. No!"

Without quite understanding what He, meant, I sensed I should perhaps not

wear any shoes for a time. After all, Babaji went about barefoot which could

be quite painful when one trod on sharp stones.

I forgot about this incident only to be reminded of it the next day. My shoes

had disappeared and were plainly nowhere to be found. I didn't have a

suitable replacement and the ashram shop was out of stock in my size. Hence

I decided to go barefoot for the following weeks.

Well, Babaji must have given His blessings because, although I had to walk

over sharp stones, it didn't take long before I could do it without feeling pain

and my feet remained free of cuts and sores. I was amazed each time I

examined the soles to find them smooth and rosy and unchaffed. It was even

more astounding because when I was wearing shoes, I had cuts and blisters

that needed medical attention. Now there was nothing.

Furthermore, I realized that as I walked, a knew kind of awareness had

developed in the feet whereby I had gained a new connectedness to the

earth; to the earth on which we live and to the ground on which we are

constantly treading.

On Babaji's instructions I slept nights at the dhuni. Around 2.00 a.m. on the

third night, I was woken by a kind of thundering, piercing cry coming from a

far distance. I seemed to recognize Babaji's voice and wondered why He was

calling out my name in the middle of the night and loudly enough to

reverberate through the whole valley.

Suddenly I was no longer in the dhuni but transported to a mountaintop,

standing before Babaji. He was sitting on the ground in yogic posture and I

bowed down to Him. He blessed me saying: "Well, you friends of

contradiction."

I sensed that someone else was present but couldn't see anyone. Babaji had a

few more words with me and then in no time I was back at my sleeping

place, just as suddenly as I had left it. I turned over and went back to sleep.

The next morning I joined a party that was setting off to climb Mount

Kailash. I must mention as an aside, that in the previous three weeks I hadn't

been able to assimilate food as I was suffering from amoebic dysentery and

therefore I could certainly not be described as being in the peak of health.

But I had put my name down to go and so was determined to endure the

hardship.

It was a large group, which set off with a local man as guide. We had

climbed about two-thirds of the way when my last ounce of strength finally

gave out. Just as I started to tremble, a sign of imminent collapse, I

remembered Babaji's words:

"The mantra OM NAMAHA SHIVAYA helps also in times of greatest

need."

I so wanted to climb this mountain, which for me is the dwelling place of the

Lord of the world, that I began repeating the mantra with devotion and

humility. I had only said it three times before I felt tremendous energy surge

through me, dissolving all weakness and invigorating my movements to such

a degree that I climbed the last third of the way with almost youthful élan.

On reaching the top, I immediately recognized the place where I had been

with Babaji on Kailash on the previous night. He had sat exactly where the

Kailash dhuni is located.

I had visited Haidakhan many times but one time I actually received a letter

with a message from Babaji asking me to come. The timing was excellent

because some friends of mine - a couple, their two children and an uncle -

were about to visit Babaji and were delighted to have me accompany them

as a "guide" so to speak. The father of the children was skeptical and had

many reservations about Babaji.

We reached the small town of Haldwani in India without any hassles. When

one travels to Babaji, it usually goes smoothly. However, in Haldwani

everything began to go wrong. It was monsoon time and the sweltering heat

was taking its toll. Our arrangements for further travel became disorganized

and filled with misunderstandings. After much to-ing and fro-ing, we finally

got going but it was already at the height of the midday heat and the trek

over the mountain was long and steep.

The first stretch was uphill all the way, under a burning sun, and we

grumbled. Well, we weren't spritely youths any more - we were between

forty and fifty years old. And, you guessed it, the disbelieving, skeptical

father who was constantly poking fun at us, collapsed from exhaustion. His

face was very red because of a problem with his blood pressure. He couldn't

go on, not without assistance. There was no water to be found, not even a

teashop; only sun, thick jungle and humidity. Good advice would be very

precious now because we had only covered one third of the 25-kilometer

walk. The porters were hurrying us as they wanted to make it to the ashram

before dark. The path led on through dense tropical forest and not

infrequently, we spotted monkeys leaping about. And where there are

monkeys, there are perhaps other wilder creatures. Feeling rather dejected,

we took a rest and inwardly prayed to Babaji for help. We hoped the poor

fellow would soon recover ... he was the one who was always being so

strong ....

Suddenly, out of nowhere appeared a farmer leading a horse down the track.

He was the first person we had come across and, as it turned out, the only

one. He had come from Haidakhan and was on his way back to Haldwani.

We were able to persuade him, with the help of some rupees, to load the sick

man onto his horse and lead them back to Haidakhan. The horse was

evidence of even further blessing after some hours, the father felt better but

then the son couldn't go on. By the time we finally reached Haidakhan, all of

us had had a ride on the horse.

Coincidence? Of course everything's always coincidence! Yet they piled up,

these coincidences, and more and more we realized how and why they came

to us and who was steering them.

We were at the foot of the ashram's 108 stairs when Babaji, who was on my

left, suddenly took hold of my wrist and leaned heavily on my forearm. He

started to drag me up the stairs.

So as not to lose my balance and fall over, I pressed my arm against His. In

this manner, with Him grinning at me and pressing down at the same time,

He pulled me swiftly up the stairs.

Mahavatar Babaji

One hundred and eight steps is a long way. I concentrated fully on Him and

forgot about the people following behind. Without words, Babaji gave me to

understand that He promised to lead me up the ladder to liberation and

though that would not be easy for me, with His help I would make it.

My heartbeat was racing when we reached the top. Yet the pounding of my

heart was in rhythm to His. Our hearts were in unison. Our efforts, our

destinies, our goals no longer existed separately, but were linked together as

part of divine unity which contains everything.

I am You

"I Am You. Sun, moon and stars are all part of me... my concern is for the

suffering of the whole world..."

Cosmic consciousness knows no separation between "you" and "me";

everything interflows and what appears as the separate, externalized self

becomes understood and experienced as a part of the true Self.

By looking within, which is what Babaji enabled people to do, they could

see the consciousness levels out of which they functioned and what progress

needed to be made.

Babaji also sometimes set up situations so that people could learn from

them. During these experiences Babaji gave the people concerned explicit

and unmistakable answers, which they received mostly internally. The same

applied to people who put questions or problems to Babaji in thought rather

than speech. He would reply clearly on the inner level of communication. In

this way Babaji let people realize that He was truly at one with each person.

All who came to Him didn't only give Him the customary material gift. They

lay at His Feet all their burdens, sorrows and physical afflictions. To

alleviate their pain, He took it upon Himself and the change in His physical

form was remarkable. In only a few years He was transformed from a

slender, almost translucent, youth to a middle-aged rounded man. His

words: "I have taken on too many sicknesses... I carry the whole weight of

the universe..." are a hint from which one can only begin to imagine how

much human suffering He bore.

Six weeks before He left His body, He predicted the outbreak of many

incurable diseases and recommended that everyone learn spiritual healing As

a consequence, many people were given healing mantras and these are still

available from Haidakhan today.

Babaji had sat down on a chair under the shade of a tree. He made a sign that

I should sit down at His Feet. In silence we gazed down over the valley. All

was profoundly peaceful. My hand was resting lightly on Babaji’s foot and I

felt wholly serene. "You are everywhere, in every blade of grass, in the wind,

in the highest as well as the lowliest, in the biggest and also in the tiniest";

these were the ideas that passed through my mind.

"But where do I fit in?"

Everything around me disappeared; even the twittering of the birds was

erased from awareness. Had it been only seconds or minutes that were wiped

out? Suddenly I realized there was a gap - one step was missing, one step

only to experience unity - and slowly I was coming to, as if from a dream,

though without a touch of regret ... I had seen things and understood.

It was wintertime when there is a brief rainy period. Most of the devotees

were taking shelter in their rooms, out of the pouring rain, so when Babaji

came into the kirtan hall and sat on His asan, there was hardly anyone

around to notice. He called me and told me to sit by His side.

While I was sitting quietly beside Him, a strong yearning came over me to

be dissolved, to become one with the Creator, to forsake every individuality,

to unite with the great, infinite ocean. Spontaneously I put it to Babaji

inwardly - after all, to me, He embodied all of this:

"Please let me become one with you."

I was looking up at Him all the while as I thought this. I didn't really expect

an answer and was astounded when I saw His dark eyes, large and earnest,

focus on me and then watched Him nod His head. I hardly dared breathe, yet

a question sprang out of me:

"Is that a promise?"

Again, He nodded slowly and meaningfully...

After that I had no more questions.

I was sitting with the rest of the devotees in the temple hall, chanting while

Babaji was giving darshan. Suddenly with a gesture, He interrupted the

proceedings and called me by name. I stood up, somewhat uncertain and

puzzled.

"You may make a wish and it will be fulfilled." Nothing, simply nothing

came to mind.

"You have given me everything." I said finally, "[I wish] ... only that You

continue to bless me."

"You have that already," He said and laughed.

"You should make a wish!"

["A wish for something that is really dear to you," added the translator.]

Spontaneously it came out:

"Peace for the world. Give the world peace."

"I have come to give peace to the world but the hearts of the people are

closed up."

"Then open their hearts,' I asked.

Babaji looked at me in silence and finally nodded,

"So be it," and then [He] indicated that we all continue singing.

Every morning at about 5.00 a.m. Babaji performed a havan, a fire

ceremony. This time though, we were not in Haidakhan but in Vapi, a little

town in central India, about two hours' drive from Bombay. It was still dark

but as Babaji took His place at the fire pit, the sky was shot with first lights.

I was standing on raised ground and could see all around me. My eyes

became fixed on the men sitting around the fire with Babaji and throwing

offerings on to the blazing logs. "Swaha...swaha..." they called out in chorus

after each offering.

"Here, once more is a perfect example of male domination," I thought. "Not

one woman is included among them! Babaji, you just can't tolerate that. This

injustice must be abolished."

I had scarcely finished thinking this before Babaji raised His head, turned

towards me and smiled. He also nodded, more than once, quite plainly, in

agreement.

Amazed, I looked around me to make sure it was me He was nodding to. On

impulse I asked Him internally.

"Does your nodding mean you are agreeing to my demands for justice?"

Again, Babaji smiled and nodded in agreement.

I already knew that Babaji read one’s thoughts but it was the first time that

He demonstrated it to me so openly and clearly. Apart from that He was also

giving a clue about the social structure of the future.

"Everyone must remove differences/distinctions from their hearts. There

must be more emphasis on unity."

While I was working on the translations of the booklet "Babaji’s Teachings"

I came across a sentence about the predictions for the future of our world.

"The destruction will be brought about by earthquakes, floods, accidents,

collisions and wars. The destructive elements which were kept in check by

Shri Babaji, have been released to do their work."

I knew that Babaji lords over the elements. However, the thought that this

information could fall into the hands of people with wrongful intentions

unsettled me a great deal. While I worked on the manuscript in the ashram

garden, unpleasant images passed through my mind and wouldn't go away,

images of all sorts of things which could happen to Babaji.

Finally, I approached Him there where He was supervising some work at the

river near the dHimi. He indicated I should sit down at His Feet. He was

seated on top of a low wall. The yogis, whose duty it was to take care of the

fire in the dHimi, had laid out a folded blanket on the wall and placed a

leopard skin over it for Him to sit on. The tail and a portion of the fur were

visible, sticking out beneath Babaji's crossed legs. With steadfast gaze, He

looked out across to Mount Kailash. As I sat silently beside Him, the images

continued to trouble me.

Should I perhaps delete this sentence? Babaji turned His head and looked at

me through His infinitely deep, dark eyes. Then He gave me the answer:

deliberately taking the tail of the leopard skin in His right hand, He swatted

twice a group of flies which were crawling around on the wall a little way

from His knees... Again, without words, I understood the symbolism of this

gesture.

One afternoon I came across Babaji at the temple site where He was just

coming after bathing in the river. We paid our respects and followed slowly a

few paces behind.

I was looking Him over when my gaze rested on His freshly ironed, long,

white cotton lungi.

It had a hole in it as big as the palm of a hand. "Baba," I said inwardly, "You

can't go around looking like that. Haven't you got anything else to wear?"

In response to my disapproval - He was a few steps ahead on the way to the

temple - He grabbed hold of the cloth and, still walking, ripped it away from

His hips and threw it, without looking round, to an Indian approaching Him

from the left side. The man bowed down, beaming with happiness and

picked it up.

Shortly afterwards He appeared again wearing a flawless lungi.

I hadn't imagined the way to the ashram to be like this. I've had to get

through some difficult situations in my life but what was all this? Rugged

terrain and rocks everywhere; big rocks, little rocks! We were wearing gym

shoes and suspicious red marks were becoming visible on our heels. The

Gautama Ganga was in parts a mighty, raging, foaming river as it rushed

away from its source. There were no bridges so we had to wade across

sometimes deep, sometimes shallow waters. Exhausted and hungry, we

finally made it to the ashram. In no time the temple bells began to peal and

we were told to get ready quickly and join in the kirtan chanting. Later

Babaji gave darshan but I was not in the best mood because my stomach was

rumbling.

I watched Babaji speak to an Indian woman and then send her into the

crowd, which must have numbered over a hundred devotees. The next

moment she was standing next to me saying: "Baba says that you and your

wife (at that time we weren't yet married) should go to the kitchen. He has

passed on instructions for you to be given something to eat." (Surely this

could only have been telepathically relayed?)

True to word, there awaited us in the kitchen good nourishment and

hospitality. We were surprised and grateful and quite overcome by His

caring and love – and all this shown from the very beginning.

Two years before coming to Babaji I had the following dream: I was lying in

a grave and a man was bending over me saying,

"Om. I lay my spirit over your body."

Then, with arms outstretched, he fell on top of me. Since that time I've had a

feeling of constriction and whenever I remembered that dream, a sense of

being tortured came over me and wouldn't go away. Even in Haidakhan this

strange dream came to mind frequently.

One day Babaji came and took me away from where I was working and

indicated I should work all day removing the larger rocks from the riverbed.

They were to be used somewhere else.

In the morning on the third day of this work Shastriji, an elderly, respected

sage and priest came down to that part of the river. He stood on the bank

looking uncertain, as if crossing might be too risky, so I went to his

assistance and helped him across to the other side.

He stopped still there, as if waiting for something. Suddenly I remembered

my dream again.

Following an impulse, I told him about it and he responded by saying it was

a bad spirit and that no one could help me be rid of it. Only the mantra OM

NAMAHA SHIVAYA had the power to compel it to release my body. I

thanked him for the information and returned to my workplace, but I was

shaking at the knees.

"No one could help me; only myself - and even that is doubtful!"

These thoughts spun tortuously around in my head. "How terrible!" At wits'

end, I stopped working and looked up in the direction of the dHimi and

noticed Babaji coming towards me. I felt shattered: "No one can help me'.

Yet, as soon as I could see Babaji's face, this thought vanished and I started

to feel sure that He was indeed capable of absolutely everything.

I was already moving towards Him and, unable to contain all that had just

occurred, I asked Him if He could help me.

Lovingly, He looked at me and answered loudly and emphatically, "Yes!"

He placed His hand on me and began loudly to say the mantra OM

NAMAHA SHIVAYA.

My body began to be transformed into pure energy, it seemed, and took on

another dimension. I was now like ice through which energy spiraled up to

the top, pushing out a dark mass.

I felt giddy afterwards and Babaji had to steady me. When I finally opened

my eyes, I could see much better than before. My improved eyesight has

lasted ever since and everything in my environment has become brighter.

An Indian relates the following:

One day we were driving from Haidakhan to Benares in the height of the

summer heat. There were two carloads of people. Between Benares and

Baidyanath we needed to stop suddenly just before a bridge but the brakes

failed and we somersaulted over an embankment. As we hurtled through the

air we called out Shri Babaji's name.

We heard His voice say,

"Dar math!" ("Fear Not!")

Then help arrived and we were taken to a nearby medical station and our

wounds quickly healed. We were released after eight days and could return

home to Calcutta.

On arrival there we heard that at the exact time of our accident, Babaji had

become seriously ill and had lain for three days in bed with severe pain and

not able to eat anything. Only after Babaji had heard that we were out of

danger, did He take something to eat. We were absolutely convinced that it

was He who saved us.

I had been sick for a long, long time. Babaji healed me. No doctor had been

able to. I was lying in bed when Babaji's countenance appeared before me.

"What is your dearest wish?" He asked.

"I would love to be able to move my arms again," I answered.

Today I am in good health.

Before I came to Haidakhan I had been suffering from a spinal injury. I

never mentioned it to Babaji, yet I noticed that He often ran His staff, which

He often took with Him when wandering across the valley, down my back.

Sometimes He would hit me with His hand directly on the spot where the

injury was sustained. One day the pains disappeared and never came back.

One Easter Friday, Babaji healed my foot, which had been affected by

radioactivity. In Germany, for many years I had gone to one doctor after

another. Not one of them could help me.

On this particular day at the ashram, I was lying out in the sunshine, on a

stonewall. My body was bent over from pain. Babaji appeared, walking

along a nearby path and as He passed by me, He shot me a glance. He was

hardly out of sight when suddenly an immense power, like a current - no,

more like an electric shock - shot through me from head to foot. My spine

was momentarily lit up and I felt the severe and long lingering pain in my

foot being thrust out of my body with almighty force.

An Indian tells this story:

My family was very religious. They were regularly praying and chanting and

receiving many saintly persons as visitors in our home. Until the time when

my wife fell ill, my own concepts of God had been abstract. She had to have

her gall bladder removed. Unexpectedly, the operation was not a success.

The surgeons and doctors, the best in Delhi, were at a loss to explain her

poor condition. Twenty days later, she lay near death.

My mother and an aunt were both devotees of Babaji and told me about Him

but I was not convinced. As my wife's condition worsened they both

naturally took refuge in prayer. During one of the devotional practices,

Babaji appeared to my mother and told her to go to Haidakhan.

Meanwhile, my wife underwent a four-and-a-half-hour operation, which

established that her whole abdomen had become septic and peritonitis had

set in. The result was hepatitis with high fever and weight loss. Antibiotics

didn't help and she couldn't be administered any more painkillers. While I

remained by my wife's side, my mother and aunt were in Haidakhan

constantly beseeching Babaji for help.

One day He said to them,

"You are like blood suckers. You want me to save this woman. Do you know

if she believes in me at all?"

On returning, my mother posed this question to my wife.

"No, I don't believe in Babaji, not in the slightest," was her answer. "But I

have great faith in your strong belief in Him."

By this time, my wife had lost thirty kilos in weight. She looked like a mere

pile of bones. In spite of grave misgivings, the doctors were to perform a

third operation. The surgeon had faith in God and in his own abilities.

"When I operate, God sits on my forefinger," he said.

We had told him about Babaji and although the day for the operation had

already been set, the doctors postponed it until the day Babaji said it should

be performed. It took seven hours and forty minutes and again a

complication arose. The liver stopped producing bile.

I wrote to my mother in Haidakhan to find out if Babaji wanted to heal my

wife at all. If he didn't, she should have a quick end because we, the ones at

her side, couldn't watch her suffering any more.

When my mother received this letter she burst out crying. Babaji, who was

standing nearby, turned towards her and asked what was troubling her. When

He was told the contents of the 61

letter, He told her to have her head shaved. Surprised, my mother asked

whether in only a year, she had become so unworthy and impure that she

now needed a mundan to purify herself. Only twelve months earlier, Babaji

had refused her mundan even though she had volunteered to give up her hair.

"Not everything that you do is for you alone," was His answer.

My mother understood immediately and without delay went down to the

river to have her head shaved. When she returned to Babaji, He put the

woolen cap He was wearing on her head, saying,

"Have trust. Your daughter in law will get well. Tell the doctor not to give

her any more medication."

This was carried out and at once there was an improvement. We followed

Babaji's specific instructions as well. He told us to put a bottle of plain tap

water in our meditation room and give the patient a spoonful at a time. Each

time my aunt took the liquid to the patient in hospital, she noticed that the

water had taken on a greenly yellow color and resembled bile.

My wife's condition improved rapidly and she was restored to full health

when Babaji personally - that is, in His ethereal form - entered the healing

process. He made an appearance when a nurse was sitting with my wife. The

nurse did not perceive Him entering the room but then He became visible to

her and she asked Him,

"Who are you?"

"Certainly no villain. Don't bother me," was the answer.

He came closer to my wife, stretched out His hand and passed it over the

length of her body many times. Just as the astounded nurse was on the point

of asking if He were Babaji, He disappeared.

About one year later, during a talk with Babaji, He did confirm that He was

present at the hospital bedside of my wife. Her recovery, as far as I was

concerned, was a miracle. Since then I have followed Babaji everywhere.

* * *

In my capacity as a healer, I received a phone call one night from a man who

had come to me for healing in the past. He was presently a patient in the

hospital in the Swiss canton of Chur.

While skiing in the Swiss Alps he had apparently fallen into a crevasse.

They had operated on him and had inserted supporting pins to many parts of

his body. He complained of unbearable pain, which could not be alleviated

even with morphine injections. He therefore resorted to calling me and also

because he had heard that in emergencies I could heal from a distance.

How was I to help him?

I thought of Babaji and an incident described in Autobiography of a Yogi.

Together with some chosen disciples, Babaji was wandering through the

Himalayas. A certain yogi wanted 62

to join them but Babaji refused to accept him saying he was not yet ready to

follow Him. The yogi replied that he now no longer wanted to go on living.

"Good!" responded Babaji, "Then jump from this cliff!"

The yogi obeyed.

At the bottom there now lay his body - a heap of flesh and bones. Babaji had

his corpse brought back up. He touched it. The yogi stood up. He was alive

and in the best of health. He had passed the test and could follow Babaji

from now on.

The prayer I offered on behalf of the sick man became especially intense as I

thought of this story. It was approaching midnight. I implored Babaji to help

this man. At the moment of highest concentration, a bright flash of lightning

shot through my body and me became bathed in radiant light. The space

around me disappeared and only a vague sense of myself remained while

this beautiful light surrounded me. The light faded later on. I looked at my

watch. It was 3.00 a.m.

The next morning the patient rang me personally from the hospital in Chur.

He was totally free of pain despite the fact that he had taken no medicine.

His doctors were regarding him as their miracle patient, he told me later. The

plaster was removed earlier than usual and there were no more traces of

bone fractures. When he was released from hospital he came to visit me,

without crutches. Everyone had expected him to walk on crutches for the

rest of his life.

* * *

While I was visiting Punditji, the priest at the Hanuman Temple, he noticed

that my arm was stiff. I told him about the broken bone which had not healed

properly. The elbow had been in plaster for too long with the result that the

joint had become stiff.

"Oh," he said, "don't worry. Trust in Babaji and listen to what happened to

me a couple of years ago:

I was riding a bicycle through Delhi when I suddenly noticed a loosely

placed grate over a drain. The thought occurred to me that my friend who

was riding a bike behind me, might trip over it. And then it happened. But it

wasn't he who felt it was I. My toe was awfully painful; the nail had been

tom off but worst of A my arm was broken.

Some time later some acquaintances from Bombay dropped in to see me on

their back from Haidakhan. They were concerned and enquired if something

had happened to me. In Haidakhan Babaji had apparently injured His foot in

their presence and had said to them:

" Oh, oh, poor Punditji has hurt himself! His foot and arm are very painful."

During the course of the discussion, it became clear that Babaji spoke these

words at precisely the same time the accident occurred.

The broken arm was put in plaster but did not heal well. I visited another

doctor who showed me x-rays, indicating the radius and ulna were out of

line and had therefore fused together crookedly. You could see it just by

looking at the arm itself. The doctor suggested an 63

operation and I agreed. However, I wanted first to attend the Gurupurnima

festival in Vrindavan.

I was standing in the long queue in Vrindavan waiting to receive Babaji's

blessings. The queue was advancing only very slowly and I was carrying a

large basket of fruit on my shoulder and thus failed to notice a wet spot on

the marble floor. Suddenly I was slipping and swaying and falling. I waved

my arms about trying to restore my balance but it was in vain. I fell

backwards and both elbows hit the stone floor hard. Again, the fall was very

painful. All the people standing around were horrified and yelling out that I

had fallen down. They quickly helped me to my feet again and even the fruit

was gathered up. Babaji called me over.

"Have you hurt yourself?"

He asked and smilingly pointed to my arms. In that instant I hardly felt any

pain.

Later, back in Delhi, I went to the doctor again about the operation. As

several weeks had gone by, he ordered new x-rays to be taken. Now he was

shaking his head in disbelief. The radius and ulna were in perfect alignment.

There was no need to operate. It was then that I

comprehended the meaning of the fall in Vrindavan and became fully aware

of Babaji's grace!"

* * *

Once I traveled to Haidakhan with a family whose 13 year-old daughter had

been suffering from asthma allergies and skin rashes since early childhood.

Her condition was sometimes so bad that she avoided being among people.

She was allergic to strawberries and nuts and many other things and the

presence of cats and dogs brought on breathing difficulties. The skin

disorders erupted as large, open, pus-filled wounds. Her parents hadn’t

spared any effort or cost in seeking help from doctors and natural healers,

but straight medicine and alternative healing methods had offered only little

or temporary relief. Could Babaji – help? This anxious question and the

hope for healing gave us the incentive to undertake the long flight to India

and the long walk to Haidakhan.

We arrived at the ashram exhausted, just as the sun was setting, and barely

managed to clamber up the 108 stairs. There, in the forecourt was Babaji,

reclining on a low wall. It seemed as though He were waiting for us.

Immediately He called out to the young girl even though she was behind us,

not yet in view, and it was her first time to see Him.

"Come!" He called, and then added lovingly, "Baby, I give you a new skin."

Today, after this and further visits to Babaji, the young girl’s skin disorders,

breathing problems and allergies are completely gone. The doctors, who

were familiar with her condition over many years, have no explanation for

the healing.

* * *

"If you are happy, I am happy. If you are troubled, I am troubled. If you

are in peace, I am in peace. Be happy and peaceful and give out these

qualities to the world. You are the world…"

Mystical Experiences

"I will show you a greater freedom than you ever dreamed of."

The energy coming from Babaji was beyond what the mind could

understand and what the senses could perceive. The vibrations evoked

greatly varying effects on each person who spent time in His presence. Many

were so deeply moved that they cried for days; others became temporarily ill

as the body rebelled against the energy, and still others entered higher levels

of consciousness. It wasn't only Babaji's direct presence, which had these

effects; it was also the power of Haidakhan itself as an ancient holy place

and the energy generated during morning and evening Aarati (chanting in

praise of God). All these served to heighten awareness.

Babaji's immediate presence wasn't necessary in order to have mystical

experiences, as many devotees around the world can testify. They can tell of

events with Babaji, which they experienced in their own countries and often

before they ever came to Him. Dreams and visions are the most usual kinds

of experience the Master used to call His devotees and He continues to do

this now.

* * *

Before I ever encountered Babaji in Haidakhan, I'd had some inner

experiences with Him already. It was in the book "Autobiography of a Yogi"

where I first learned of His existence.

Merely knowing that this great, eternal guide for humanity indeed existed,

gave me a deep sense of liberation, as if my long search had hit on

something substantial with the certainty: THIS IS IT.

I desperately longed to meet Him. I didn't know that He had again taken a

physical form. I was meditating and concentrated my attention on Him.

Suddenly, with the inner eye, I beheld a vague apparition and at the same

time heard:

"You do yours and then I'll do mine."

From that moment on, my life changed radically. I experienced more

happiness, more light and more love. A year later I learned that Babaji was

indeed in the physical body and so I made preparations to visit Him in India.

One fine summer evening, some months prior to my journey, I was watching

a film on television with my husband. I was having difficulty following the

story line because I was in a strange state of mind. It felt as though I were

captivated and at the same time far removed.

Suddenly, the TV sound went off and beside the TV but higher up, near the

ceiling, came an apparition of Babaji as Lord of the Universe, standing in the

center of ever-expanding, concentric circles. Its power of attraction was

overwhelming. I was in a peculiar situation. My husband wanted to discuss

the sound failure and here was I, speechless and absorbed by Babaji's

presence. Part of me, however, remained involved with the TV and that part

of me found Babaji's moment of arrival rather "inconvenient" and so I was

torn between two realities.

Nevertheless, I experienced with the pulsation of the ever-expanding

concentric circles, a profound peace and a strong impression of what it

means to be. Babaji's silent message also conveyed: "You can attain the state

of pure being when you are ready to give up all passions."

As the apparition gradually faded, the sound of the TV returned.

When I first laid eyes on Babaji in Haidakhan, it was as though I were

fleeting through the universe, borne on waves in an ocean of caring and love

and it kept on and on as if eternity had opened up. That all occurred in a

mere split second and awareness of the experience only arose when I became

conscious of time again. Hours passed before there was full comprehension

of what had happened.

I had been touched at the deepest level and I was in a spin, as though

everything had turned upside down and inside out and for the first three days

I just cried whenever I saw Him. I realized great happiness, there was a lump

in my throat and my heart wanted to overflow.

There was a sweetness trickling through as well as a sadness that felt good. I

seemed to be dissolving in an endless sea of tears.

A few days later I was in the ashram garden looking down over the valley. I

felt fulfilled.

Then I spotted Babaji all in white, by the river. In spite of the distance I felt

He was very close and became aware that He actually filled the whole

valley. There was also the strong impact that He, is Love, Wisdom and

Power, words which did not merely arise but whose qualities I felt as a

powerful presence.

* * *

"I have come to help you realize unity beyond division."

* * *

My wife and I arrived around midday at a hotel in Haldwani, the last main

stop before Haidakhan. Babaji's strong powers of attraction had brought me

here despite certain misgivings. For thirty years I have been a follower of the

Sufi path and I wanted to have the conflict I felt about meeting another

master settled.

My wife and I were saying our usual afternoon prayers when the room

suddenly filled with strong perfume. We continued to pray. The perfume

became, stronger and stronger, so that I started crying and shouting ... I knew

then, this was my first encounter with Babaji. When I met Him later, I

recognized the perfume.

After some days had passed, I asked Babaji to give me a name. I felt that if I

were to receive a name from Him, then my connection to Him would

intensify. When I put the question to Him, He asked whether I would like an

Islamic or Hindu name. How did He know of my Islamic path? Not a word

about it had been said.

"A Muslim one," I said.

When He was about to give His answer, the thought "He wants to see if a

name comes up", shot through me like a flash of lightning. It was a stream of

tremendous energy. In that same moment He gave me my name. What an

experience!

* * *

One evening I saw many pictures and slide of Babaji and was deeply

affected. The pictures of Babaji were taken during the first years of His latest

appearance and covered the period from 1970 to about 1974/75, when His

physical form was perfectly beautiful and divine. He seemed very ascetic

and always deeply centered.

Beneath the photographs was a cover picture from the booklet about Old

Haidakhan Baba.

That was Babaji in His former appearance and the picture was taken in 1911.

It gave me a great shock. I said, "Oh I wouldn't want to meet Him in that

form. However, if it had to be, He would have to be very loving to me." This

was because, in this picture, Old Haidakhan Baba looked incredibly stern. I

had much resistance to this picture.

I felt deeply attracted to Babaji's being and awoke the next morning happy

and sure that yes, tomorrow I would fly out to Him. This joy and certainty

lasted the whole day. The following morning I couldn't help peering at the

terrifying picture because it had begun to look at me.

His scrutinizing look pierced straight through me. In contrast to yesterday's

happiness and lightness and immediate readiness to fly out to Babaji, today I

began to feel intense inner conflicts triggered by this relentless stare.

"Am I allowed to go to Him at all?" I asked myself. This thought stirred up

emotions and I felt gripped and shaken up by a powerful energy which was

to last four days. On the second day I rebelled.

"Why go there at all? I can just as well make progress here, in peace, slowly

and as best I can." I knew that the essence of everything was to turn to the

Divine inside me and be guided from within.

However, the energy, which was working on me, wouldn't release me

whether I looked at the picture or not. His austere, steadfast expression was

challenging in the extreme. I retreated to the meditation room. In there I

became increasingly aware how imperfect, weak and out of tune with God I

was. In the end, I felt totally unworthy of meeting Babaji at all.

How hard I prayed to Babaji during those days to please, at least, give me a

dream. But nothing came. For four days it went on like this. At noon on the

fourth day, I told the travel agent with whom I'd been dealing that I wouldn't

be making the journey. Yet I sensed that the whole affair was not yet over.

Again I entered the meditation room. It was very quiet; the evening twilight.

Once again I set my eyes on the picture and dared this time to confront the

strict, earnest, testing look. And then it happened ... love issued forth; pure,

divine, deep, deep love ... nothing but that. I was totally disarmed. I posed

my question: "Please say if I may come, yes or no."

I began to feel the distinct and wonderful presence of Babaji in the room.

"Yes, come. You may come now."

I heard it clearly internally. Thereupon, I raced to the telephone. It was five

minutes before closing time and I informed the travel agent that I would

indeed be traveling and then made an appointment with the doctor to have

immunization shots.

That night, finally, I had a dream of Babaji. I refer to it as the "little dream"

to distinguish it from the "big dream" which came later. It was, in fact, also

great but its significance didn't strike me until much later.

I saw mandalas, worlds in the form of huge pictures, containing many

figures swirling round in circles. Each new picture as it arose, dissolved the

last one and this occurred over and over again. A hole began to develop in

the center of the mandala and as it expanded images mysteriously emerged,

as if from another dimension. They were images of Babaji, wonderful and

always changing, yet He appeared consistently immoveable, wholly centered

and ascetic.

The last mandala gave me a real shock in the dream because He, Lord of the

mandalas, first appeared outside the mandala on the right-hand side and then

He stepped into the picture. At first I could only make out His profile, but

then He moved, turning towards the front, and laughed. I was taken aback

because He looked quite different; not ascetic and slender like His form in

the center, but round and full.

What was particularly striking in this dream was the fact that He, the

immoveable, resting in the mysterious radiant center, had now entered the

picture of many forms and colors, the world, the Maya, the Play, and by

moving and acting within it, had taken on a whole different appearance.

When I awoke I was very happy to have dreamt of Babaji at last. But

typically the dream came only after I had done some struggling with myself.

The second dream, the 'big dream" came once I had the air ticket in my

hand. It was truly a gift and the experience was so powerful that I cannot

really describe it. It was the greatest and deepest experience of my life so far.

Although I've called it a dream, it wasn't really a dream because, while it

began in the sleeping state, it continued during the waking state.

I saw myself and two friends facing Babaji, who was standing in front of a

wall composed of Light and Void. It was the threshold of a new dimension. I

saw each of my friends react differently.

I asked, "And what about me?"

In contrast to this spiritual threshold or wall to another dimension, I saw

myself being dragged under water and then I was actually walking under

water.

Was Babaji alarmed that I had fallen into the water? He bore an expression,

indicating He was responsible for me. (Only later did I realize what it meant

to go walking under water. It means to be on earth, no longer in space where

He is, but to be submerged, to be in samsara.) Anyhow, I saw how Babaji

from high above, vigilantly observed my every step. His gaze acted like a

ray of light, which shone through the water and determined my next step.

Each 69

step was tied to His thread of light so that my underwater walk was the

passage of His light beam.

How did it happen? Suddenly I was out of the water. Did He pull me out and

lift me up to Him? Now I was very near Him, so close as to be united in the

Light, something beyond words. Then He gave me a gift of a book of

fairytales. It contained sketches of all my past lives. The cover was red and

the pages white and on each page in large letters was written

"SO IT WAS". Around these large letters, which practically covered the

white page, were tiny drawings in colorful detail, exact and finely done,

depicting the events of each and every lifetime.

With reverence I slowly turned the pages and thanks to His grace, presence

and love, I was able to understand everything - experience, feel, know

everything contained in the pictures.

Immersed in His love, I was touched to the core of my being and it was

beyond words and any kind of expression.

With this closeness I knew now, "Oh, He is my teacher, my higher Self. I

know He has been the teacher in all my lives and I know deep down that He

is the Lord - that He is the Lord of my life and all my lives - that He is the

Lord of my entire existence."

Overcome, I found myself sitting up in bed crying. I have no idea how long I

kept bowing down, bowing down, in the face of the love. What else was

there to do? I really wished I could dissolve. The moment came when I no

longer wanted to be at this depth, in the immensity of this love, of this light.

I began to sense a kind of desire arising from somewhere far removed, to be

my individual self again and so, gradually I came to. The tears streaming

from my innermost core slowly dried up. For a long time after, my room

remained bathed in gentle shimmering light and filled with a wonderful

stillness. Then I was back in the night and went to sleep.

Ten days after this overwhelming experience at home, I was on my way to

Him in Haidakhan where His ashram is situated in the foothills of the

Himalayas. On meeting Babaji there in physical form, the round Babaji of

today, I could hardly believe my eyes. He looked vastly different from the

earlier photographs of Him that I had seen. But there was no time to muse

over His altered shape because He quickly gave me such a penetrating look

through His indescribable eyes, that it pierced my bones and conveyed to me

the thought:

"I met you. I came to you in Germany."

He said this on the very first evening of my arrival. I was still puzzled about

His outward appearance. How come He had changed so much? Why is He

not always in deep meditation and instead moving about actively, resembling

more the human way of being?

Shortly before falling asleep on my first night in Haidakhan, I saw that

profile of Babaji again, as if sketched on the wall, the same profile as in my

first dream where He had moved into the mandala from the right-hand side.

And then it dawned on me: this is exactly as He looks today!

Later I was to understand the full meaning of the mandala dream. Surely the

great change in Babaji's appearance corresponds to the event depicted in this

dream where He, as Lord of the mandalas, suddenly enters the picture of His

making, the world, and dances within it.

Immersed in this, He is ever-moving and swiftly becomes transformed so

that He is no longer 70

the ascetic in the brilliant center, remaining motionless in deepest

meditation, but becomes one who has taken on the heaviness of this world,

incorporating all our problems and therefore looks round and fat and ... He

laughs!

I didn't realize all this on my first night in Haidakhan. I had only recognized

that it was the profile of Babaji as He looks now that I had seen in the

mandala dream.

* * *

"I have come to give, only to give. Are you ready to receive? I give

everything, but few ask for what I have really come to give."

* * *

I was staring at a photograph of Babaji in my apartment in Germany when

all of a sudden He was standing there in front of me "alive". I nearly jumped

out of my skin. When the "vision" had faded, apart from relief, I could sense

the blessing that Babaji had bestowed on me by this appearance.

* * *

When the day's work in Haidakhan was done, I went to my room and hit the

sack. There was another devotee sleeping in an adjacent room. I soon dozed

off and dreamt of Babaji.

In the dream He glanced at the other woman sleeping and indicated that I

should wake her and give her a message from Him. After that, He

disappeared and I woke up.

Mindful of this instruction, I went into her room and found her sleeping in

precisely the same position as I had seen her in my dream. I woke her,

explained why and repeated Babaji’s words to her.

"It is important that you think of me at least once a day. Then I will lead and

guide you."

The young woman was deeply moved by this message and admitted that she

had been rather depressed lately but these words had given her fresh

courage.

* * *

Babaji appeared to me in a vision during a meditation. I knew nothing about

Him. His face was long and intense and His gleaming eyes gave a

penetrating look. His whole form was divine to behold and His hair matched

in exact detail a photo I held in my hand the next day.

His mouth spoke silent words to me yet He seemed to say: "Come Moy."

Moy was my pet name when I was a child. Whenever He opened His mouth

it was all white inside.

A few days later I drove to a bookshop, which was quite a distance away. I

had to collect some pictures. While I was browsing through the books on

display, the book Botschaft vom Himalaya fell into my hands. I opened it

and caught sight of a picture. It was the same one as in my vision. I wasted

no time in going to Babaji as I took it that He was calling me.

* * *

After reading the "Autobiography of a Yogi", an Indian lady felt a relentless

yearning to go and find Babaji in the Himalayas. Some years prior to

Babaji's latest incarnation, she had occasion to accompany her husband on a

business trip which took them to Ranikhet and its environs. Whereabouts

was supposed to be the legendary Mount Dronagiri where Babaji had often

been sighted.

Initially no one could tell her exactly where this mountain was located but as

time passed and her longing and devotion intensified, a series of

circumstances arose whereby she eventually found the mountain.

On the way to the Devi temple, which was at the place of their destination,

she and her husband came across two sadhus. On impulse she asked her

husband to pull up. She thought she recognized Babaji in the elder of the two

and accordingly paid her respects to Him. He offered to accompany her to

the temple and told her to perform a puja there, a religious ceremony. But

she had neither the appropriate offerings in hand nor had she ever performed

such a ceremony before. Aware of her embarrassment, Babaji put her

immediately at ease by revealing that He had known she would be coming

and everything was in readiness.

Indeed, on arriving, she saw that everything was as He had said. With His

guidance she performed the puja.

As they were about to leave the temple, she felt an urge to ring the bell in

expression of her joy but it was out of reach. Just as she was thinking this,

Babaji said:

"You can do it - ring the bell."

Stretching out her arm, she managed to pull the bell-rope. As the sounds

filled the air, she realized that her feet were no longer touching the ground.

Then Babaji told her to come down because it was time to leave.

"Baba, when shall I see you again?" she asked.

"My child, whenever you approach me with such devotion and faith, then I

will appear before you."

In 1974 she met Babaji again. This time it was in the form of a youth,

Babaji's most recent incarnation. He knew all about their meeting at Mount

Dronagiri. She wanted to know if he would return there and he gave her the

soothing reply:

"It doesn't matter because whenever you call me with such devotion and

faith, I will appear to you."

* * *

My eight-year-old son, who had visited Babaji twice a year from the age of

five, recounted the following dream to me:

Babaji was standing beside a hollow in the ground and inside this hollow

there were poisonous snakes writhing about.

"Poke your legs into the pit and play with them," Babaji said.

My son was afraid and held back.

Thereupon Babaji placed His leg into the snake pit and let the snakes slide

around His lower leg. He told my son: "Whoever copies my action will

become immortal."

Then my son and the others who were standing around Babaji followed His

example.

* * *

"Virat Darshan" means to witness the divine presence everywhere, in all

things, in each atom.

It was well known that Babaji, in His previous form as "old Haidakhan

Baba" gave Virat Darshan.

One time a learned devotee asked Babaji to give him Virat darshan. He was

told to shut his eyes and sing bhajans for a while. When the devotee finally

opened his eyes, he could see old Haidakhan Baba in every object. He

appeared in His typical clothing with kurta and topa.

Babaji granted me a similar experience in 1971 at the Kathgaria ashram,

three miles outside Haldwani. We were visiting this ashram with Babaji after

having spent some days in Delhi. It was evening when we arrived. I bent

down, took some loose earth in my hand and smeared it across my forehead,

like chandan.

We were moving towards the temple of old Haidakhan Baba and had barely

reached it when my eyes began to see Babaji wearing the kurta and topa, the

habitual dress of old Haidakhan Baba, everywhere I looked. In every

direction my eyes turned, up, down, sideways ... there He was.

After this inner experience, I knew for sure that the old Haidakhan Baba and

the present Babaji were one and the same being.

* * *

Out of sheer curiosity I went along with a friend to a lecture, which was to

be given by a devotee of Babaji. The lecturer was already sitting in

meditation when we arrived so, to avoid disturbing him, I sat quietly at the

back of the room and calmly focused my eyes on him.

In a little while I sensed that the room had become filled with energy. My

forehead was wet with perspiration and then I saw Babaji in the aura above

the people meditating. He remained visible for about ten minutes. My

interest had been aroused to the fullest. I wasted no time getting hold of the

book "Botschaft vom Himalaya", read it in one go and promptly, the

following night, had a dream about Babaji.

I found myself in Babaji's ashram about to have His darshan. Babaji now

entered the room. I was utterly speechless. Such a beautiful being I had

never known before. I was spellbound.

He approached another lady first and then came to me. From my innermost

being sprang the silent question: "Do I belong to you?"

"You have always belonged to me."

I wanted to ask something more but Babaji did not allow it. He blessed me

and left the room.

* * *

One night in Haidakhan I experienced myself in the astral body, somewhere

in another world.

The place was rudimental lit - everything looked gray and there was no

vegetation anywhere.

I was standing on a wide sandy street watching some road workers dig a

canal under the supervision of a foreman. He noticed me, turned towards me

and before I knew it he had grabbed me by the throat.

In the next moment he had released me abruptly, as if a tarantula had bitten

him. You see, I had slung the mantra OM NAMAHA SHIVAYA at him back

in our familiar world I remembered what Babaji had said:

"The mantra OM NAMAHA SHIVAYA is more powerful than a thousand

atom and hydrogen bombs together."

* * *

After a long and thirsty inner search I happened to read something in a

spiritual book which said that God has infinite love for people and lets them

partake of all the joys and blessings of heaven when they turn to Him and

love Him.

I was deeply moved by this but at the same time I still felt tired and worn out

so I prayed silently to Babaji to help me and to show me the way.

As if automatically, I found myself concentrating on my heart and caught a

glimpse with my mind's eye of a spot in my heart where there was a gate or a

doorway, all in shining gold and covered with delicate flowers. I stepped

through this gate and up into a passageway which was also of pure shining

light and seemed infinitely wide. Profound bliss, joy and closeness to Babaji

filled me as I had never known before. Beyond this corridor of light I stood

before an apparently limitless sky full of stars and although it was daylight,

it shimmered brilliantly with its innumerable planets.

Standing there, watching in fascination, I could feel God's love present

everywhere, even in me,, a part of the universe. Peace and a sense of security

filled me. I stretched out my hand and it was as though God took me by the

hand. At long last I was truly at home; I had arrived at my innermost

dwelling - the temple of God.

* * *

After reading the book "Botschaft vom Himalaya", I had a dream about

Babaji. In the dream He was seated on a raised platform and was speaking

through a microphone to a full audience of Americans. They were all seated

on the floor and each one held a microphone in the hand. I was observing the

whole scene and after a time I spoke internally with Babaji.

"If you really are who people say you are and if you wish to speak with me,

you have to find another means of communicating with me."

The answer came promptly. Babaji sent me a white beam of light as thick as

a thumb, straight into the middle of my forehead, just above the eyebrows.

This had the effect of irradiating me with an indescribable bliss, which

persisted even after waking up, and lasted the whole day.

Deeply affected by this experience, I made the journey to Babaji.

* * *

Years ago I was picked up in San Francisco by the Immigration Authorities

and kept in jail for a month prior to deportation. I was lying on my cot when

I felt a sharp pain in the heart and a difficulty in breathing. After a few

minutes the pain increased and I felt myself sinking into unconsciousness

and a sudden desperation seized me. I didn't want to die. I was afraid and I

was alone so the only thing I could do was to turn to my prayers. It came

with such force that all the levels of my being cried out as only a drowning

man could, Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, save me! Just when I thought I

had breathed my last, the wall of my cell turned into pure light and a figure

stepped from it and approached the bed where I was lying.

Although I did not see his face because of the light that emanated from all

the parts of his body, I saw him reach out his hand and touch me on the

forehead saying:

"It will be alright."

With these words he turned around and returned to the light from which he

had come and the light became the gray cement wall. The touch of his hand

made me feel that I had exploded like an atom bomb, into pure fight, and in

fact I felt so fight that I thought I would float away through the bars and the

roof and up to the sky. It was a happiness that was totally inexpressible.

Suddenly, from a feeling of sinking and falling into oblivion, to total and

absolute bliss with a mere touch of his hand.

As the years went by I thought about this special moment and had always

assumed that since I had called upon Jesus at this hour of need, that indeed it

was He who had visited me in the cell. In 1983, a particular strong feeling

came over met that I should travel to India, and although there were many

obstacles to my going, as soon as I had decided to go they all 75

vanished. A series of coincidences or divine interventions brought me to

Aurobindo Ashram in Delhi where a young Italian told me about Babaji, and

urged me to see him when he would be giving darshan at the home of a

devotee in the city. At that time Babaji meant nothing to me, so out of mild

curiosity I decided to go and see this person.

To make a long story short I stood in the darshan line with flowers in my

hands, and thought that the sooner I finish with this nonsense and get back to

finding the real reason for coming to India, the better. As my turn came I

offered him the garland which I had bought, and was just about to pranam at

his feet when his eyes looked into mine and suddenly all time and body

sensations were suspended, and I felt myself falling through a black tube at

incredible speed. Just when I thought I would fall forever, I saw a pinpoint

of light at the end of that seemingly endless tunnel, and instantly I was

propelled into that intense light where I felt myself burst into pure light like

an atom bomb. Then suddenly there I was, finishing my pranam, and I knew

that this was the person who had visited me almost twenty years before, and

who had called me to Himself in India. Although many more amazing things

happened to me when I was with Babaji in Haidakhan and since then, I feel

enormous gratitude and love towards him who has picked up the pieces of

my life and made me whole.

* * *

When the book "Babadschi - Botschaft vom Himalaya" fell into my hands I

studied it in detail and meditated on it. Much of what it contained

corresponded to my own inner experiences. I was also familiar with the

books by Yogananda and Shri Yukteswar. But the more I delved into this

book about Babaji, the more joy and bliss I experienced and it brought me

close to Him. And then I began to dream about Him. I remember one dream

in particular.

In the company of two others I was walking through a forest. As we came

clear of the woods we moved into a bright sunny field lined by tall trees.

Then I noticed a figure of light approaching us with arms outstretched. It

was Babaji, but straightaway became transformed into Jesus Christ.

This dream moved me to the core of my being. On waking I recalled

Yogananda's words:

"Mahavatar Babaji remains in continual connection with Christ; together

they emit vibrations for liberation."

* * *

Prior to meeting my master, Babaji, my life was dim and overcast; I suppose

because God treated me as I treated Him. Without Babaji my soul would

have been lost. Today I understand that I had to go through all the sorrow

and pain in order to be rid of my ignorance and blindness. Although I was

unworthy, God did not cast me out but instead guided me to Him.

I first heard of Babaji through some friends. When they showed me a photo

of Him I knew at once that He was my master. This intuition was confirmed

by a vision I had just before falling asleep.

As had so often occurred before when I lay in bed at night, my thoughts

turned to Babaji and I yearned to be near Him. My longing was intense

when, in a flash, the darkness before my eyes became fight, turning brighter

and brighter and there at once, in the midst of this effulgence, stood Babaji

with His hand raised in blessing.

His presence filled my whole being with joy. My heart was beating fast as I

asked him:

"Please stay a while; don't go away so quickly."

Time passed. The light faded and my heartbeat slowly returned to normal.

My soul, however, continued to bathe in the sweet aftermath of His

presence.

At that time I was having financial problems. My paintings were not selling

and yet I felt strongly pulled to go to Babaji in Haidakhan. Full of devotion I

prayed to Him for help. Then one day I knew He had heard my plea. I had a

dream, clear and unambiguous, where I was given an air ticket to India.

Although I possessed not a cent to purchase such a ticket, I went ahead and

had the immunization injections. My friends made fun of it but I wasn't to be

dissuaded.

And then it happened - soon after, from an undreamt of source, I received

some money which made it possible for me to fly to India.

* * *

Babaji often spoke of the powerful effects of constantly repeating the Name

of God, especially the recitation of the mantra OM NAMAHA SHIVAYA.

After numerous visits to Babaji, this mantra remains always present in my

awareness.

Once, in the middle of the night, I woke up with a dreadful feeling of

oppression. I opened my eyes and saw a huge black face, fierce and

menacing, close over mine. Its hands were at my throat. The only sign of life

on this face was reddish, pulsating vein, flashing like lightning on the

forehead of this creature. Terror had me momentarily speechless. I wanted to

scream out but the sound remained drowned in my throat. There was hardly

time to think and somehow naturally the mantra OM NAMAHA SHIVAYA

began to issue dynamically out of me. In a matter of seconds the horrifying

creature had disintegrated and vanished.

For a long time after this incident I lay awake, in awe of the power of the

mantra.

* * *

An Indian couple recounts this story:

Since 1960 we have had a guru. Our relationship to him has been rather

strained because he has refused to give us a mantra. How often have we

argued with him over it and each time we were told:

"You are not yet ready for it. At the right time you will receive a mantra."

A few years later this master died without fulfilling the promise. We felt

much pain. Then one night my wife had a dream where our guru spoke thus:

"In 1974 you will have darshan from an avatar. He will serve you rice and

curry."

Our guru also mentioned the name of the place but on waking, my wife

could only remember the first letter, which was "H".

Impatiently we waited for the year 1974. Then we heard a rumor that a

Mahavatar had incarnated in a place called Haidakhan. But we didn't

connect this with the dream.

One day we happened to get hold of a photo of Babaji from a friend. It had

an immediate effect on us and it wasn't long before we were visiting Babaji

in Vrindavan, where He was staying at the time. When we arrived in the

early morning at the temple, the doors were closed. Babaji was supposed to

be inside. As we gingerly opened the doors, we very nearly collided with

Babaji. His radiance was so divine that my body shook and I started to cry.

Babaji led us into a room and offered us a lassi – a yogurt drink. After that

he sent us off with the invitation to come again the next day for darshan.

Impatiently we waited for the following day. As we approached Him, He

rushed off into the kitchen and personally brought us some rice and curry.

Thus the prophecy of the dream was fulfilled.

* * *

In Haidakhan I usually slept very soundly. One night, however, I woke up

around 2.30 a.m.

Something was moving outside the closed window shutters of the dormitory.

Once I managed to shake off my sleepy daze and could focus my eyes

properly, I recognized Babaji slowly receding from me as if in tempo of

time-lapse photography. Even the window shutter served as screen and

frame. The picture was also grainy, like an old black and white television.

Totally engrossed I watched the short movie until it was finally over. It was

about two minutes long. I was fully conscious and wide-awake because I

pinched myself several times to make sure. I was neither hallucinating nor

dreaming and the whole time I was aware that I was looking at window

shutters. Yet simultaneously I knew I was dealing with something

incomprehensible. Baba had simply transformed one kind of material

manifestation into another.

None of the six or seven people sleeping in the dormitory was conscious of

any of this. All of them kept on sleeping peacefully.

It was as if I were not to be left in any doubt about the meaning of the

experience because the very next night I again happened to awake at

precisely the same time. This time, however, Baba, clad in a white robe, was

strolling through the landscape. He was on one side of the window and on

the other side, a second saint, dressed exactly the same, accompanied Him.

This scene also lasted about two minutes. After that only the window

shutters could be seen despite strenuous attempts to "switch on" the movie

once more.

* * *

One morning in Calcutta, where Babaji was staying with many of His

devotees, He informed everyone present that during the previous night, the

symbol of OM had formed on the baldhead of the host's 92-year-old father.

OM is the original sound from which the whole of creation is said to

originate. Babaji told everyone to come and look closely at the sign and

receive blessings from the old man.

I was surprised when I heard this because I had had many talks with this

man. Always on his lips was the mantra and he had truly renounced the

world. I had noticed his baldhead but then there was no symbol of OM.

Babaji told the man to sit on a mat next to His own raised seat. And

everyone who went up to pranam to Babaji could not fail to see the bluish

OM sign, which measured about ten centimeters, on the head of the old man.

When we departed eight days later, the OM sign was still clearly visible and

apparently remained so for months later.

* * *

At Babaji's request the Italian devotees festively decorated the Shiva temple

at the ashram for Christmas. Here were true artists at work. It was all like a

dream. Never before had I experienced such an uplifting Christmas spirit.

The next day, Christmas Eve, surpassed even that.

A large tent was erected outside. Babaji performed a yagna at a magnificent

fire pit. Although I was seated far back I could follow the proceedings very

well. As we sat in the glorious sunshine, repeating in unison "swaha" -- I

sacrifice -- a bright white synthetic light became visible to me. It was on

Babaji's body, around the area of the solar plexus. It was almost blinding.

When I shifted my focus diagonally up to the right, I spotted a bright,

dazzling light, which quite outshone the brightness of the sun. I focused

more intently on this light and saw a figure in it, which I recognized, as

Jesus Christ. This apparition, about fifty meters above and to the right of

Babaji, was also like Baba, beaming out a dazzling light from its middle.

While the fire continued to blaze and Baba moved in His calm way, the form

of Avatar Jesus very slowly glided down to Babaji until it came to rest

approximately three meters above Him, such that both brilliant suns were in

a vertical line. The upper sun now slowly descended into Babaji until both

suns merged completely into one and Christ's form was no longer visible. I

held my breath. I was in a state of ecstasy. The whole time Babaji remained

composed and totally centered and kept feeding the fire. I could hear the

words, which I shall translate as:

"The birth of Avatar Jesus has meaning for humanity only when the birth

occurs within each person. Only then is it a birth of light!'

Now I wondered what Babaji was trying to bring about with this. My answer

was: Babaji is the Light and he brings about the purification inside us, so

that this birth can take place within us. For a long time I remained in this

state and I knew that I had just experienced the high point of my stay at the

ashram.

Later I wanted a confirmation from Babaji Himself about my experience. I

wanted to ask Him if this vision was possibly just a reflection of my desiring

mind.

At darshan, rather than customarily lowering my eyes, I resolved to look at

Babaji straight on and mentally put the question to him: "Babaji, was this

vision genuine?"

When I did this, He looked at me like mother and father simultaneously and

slowly nodded, as if in affirmation. All at once I saw in each of His eyes

glowing freewheels spinning faster and faster, penetrating my being more

and more deeply. I felt as though my heart was aglow.

In this "bath of blessing" a great deal was cleansed and cleared out of me.

Blissful, I was enabled to recognize that devotion did not suffice. It became

clear to me that "God wants to be loved inside the person". This was the

most moving experience of my life. I felt that love, revealed in Babaji, had

fundamentally changed me.

That same evening I heard Babaji announce the following; "Some of you

will see Christ appear before you. Accept it as a spiritual gift."

I have kept this gift secret for a long time. For me it is sacred. Now, with the

prompting of several devotees, I offer it to all.

* * *

Yoga has been familiar to me since childhood. My parents were disciples of

Paramahansa Yogananda and my brothers and sisters have followed the

same path. When I was eighteen years old, I traveled to California to visit

the Self Realization Fellowship Center established by Yogananda and I

stayed in his ashram for eight years, during which time I often experienced

visions of Yogananda and once of Babaji. I especially remember the vision

of Babaji.

It occurred at a time when I was having difficulties with practical matters at

the ashram. In desperate need I prayed to Yogananda for better

understanding and clarity regarding the situation, when suddenly I saw

Babaji standing before me. He appeared in the form of Hot and held His

hand in blessing over me. Full of devotion, I mentally bowed down to Him.

After that, the problems were resolved - they disappeared as if they had

never existed.

Naturally I wondered why Babaji had appeared instead of Yogananda for it

was to Yogananda that I had the closer relationship. Then it became evident

to me during countless meditations that it has always been Babaji who has

guided and steered my path through all the years.

When I later held the book, "Babadschi, Botschaft vom Himalaya", in my

hands and saw Babaji's picture, I experienced the same closeness and

devotion I experienced twenty years ago in that vision. Now, of course, I

wanted to meet Him personally.

Shortly before departing for India, during a meditation, I felt myself being

transported into another dimension. My immediate surroundings had simply

sunk out of sight in my mind's eye. A pair of feet gradually materialized

before me. They were the feet of a young man.

Draped around His hips was a white cloth. The vibrations present moved me

in such a way that words cannot describe.

Afterwards when I came face to face with Babaji in India, I recognized the

Feet and the way in which He wrapped the lungi across His hips.

During the flight to India I was granted another vision. Babaji and

Yogananda each showed me a half of their physical bodies. It looked as

though their bodies were parted down the middle, and one half of each was

then united into one being.

On landing in Delhi, I rushed off to Vrindavan where Babaji was staying. It

was while I was sitting among devotees in a temple that I first saw Babaji

with my physical eyes. Everyone was singing the mantra OM NAMAHA

SHIVAYA. Then Babaji appeared. He went over and sat on a seat beautifully

decorated with yellow flowers. As He looked around at all the people, He

spotted me, the newcomer, immediately.

In order to somehow acquaint myself with Babaji, I observed Him closely,

watched how He blessed His devotees as they came up and bowed down to

Him and saw how He gave prasad to some of them. I kept on gazing in

fascination when Babaji's image became double. His exact replica stood

beside the seated Babaji. This second image seemed to be composed of a

finer substance and there issued from it a subtle bluish light, which appeared

to be directed at my heart. An indescribable ecstasy moved through me. I

remained in Vrindavan for one week, close to Babaji. Afterwards He

returned to Haidakhan. He allowed me to follow Him.

* * *

One afternoon, after doing my washing at the river, I was going back up the

stairs to the ashram. My son was with me. When we reached the top, I saw

Babaji standing there on the wide terrace only a few feet away from us.

Many people surrounded him. I gazed at Him as if spellbound. Mechanically

I put down my bucket full of clean washing, somewhere out of the way, and

became aware of my physical movements being unusually slower and more

dissociated.

This awareness became even more pronounced when my small son, standing

beside me, grabbed my left arm and began to playfully swing it up and

down. But the arm felt as though it belonged not to me but to a stranger's

body. I was outside my body and looking to Babaji from this unfamiliar

situation for help.

I watched Babaji nimbly release Himself from the crowd ... and in no time

He was standing beside me. He took my hand, my son's hand and my other

hand as well. The three of us formed a circle. The words gradually came to

me: "Shiva, Shakti, Maya"

After that I returned to everyday consciousness.

* * *

On Saturday morning, the 11th February 1984, in other words, three days

prior to Babaji's Mahasamadhi, I woke up and told my husband: "I dreamt of

Babaji last night. I heard Him very clearly. He said to me in English:

"I have to be alone now. I shall go back ... I shall leave this world."

At that point in time I had no idea of the meaning of His words. On the 14th

February I celebrated Valentine's Day with my husband. But I wasn't feeling

well and said to him: "What I really wish for is to be with Babaji now."

It was the first time I had said such a thing to him. I even became so ill on

that day that I thought I would die.

The following morning, on waking, I was told that Babaji had left the body

on February the 14th.

* * *

During the night following Babaji's Mahasamadhi, I woke up abruptly and

heard a gentle female voice singing OM NAMAHA SHIVAYA in our

meditation room. At first I thought I was dreaming but when I sat upright, I

could still hear it. Then I guessed it was my friend who was visiting at the

time, singing in the adjacent room. That was the only possible explanation.

In the morning I asked her if she had been singing in the next room. "No,"

she replied. "I was in my bedroom the whole time and did not sing at all.

However, I did have a vision. I saw Babaji, decorated with sandalwood and

rudraksha malas, take one deep breath and blast the malas apart and rising

from His grave, call out to me:

"I am not dead. I live!"

* * *

I have never seen Babaji in physical form. It was six months after His

Mahasamadhi that I first went to Haidakhan. The first day was very

confusing for me because I was overwhelmed by all the impressions; as

much from the energy of the place as from the people and external goings on

there.

All this cleared up for me in a rather abrupt way on the second evening.

After Aarati I went and sat outside for a while. It was now about 10.00 p.m.

and it was a full moon night of unbelievable beauty. I was repeating the

mantra OM NAMAHA SHIVAYA when suddenly I had darshan of Babaji -

not with the eyes but with the ears. The mantra's vibration seemed to fill out

the whole valley in a most wondrous way. I realized that this sound is the

sound of everything and I understood also that Babaji is this sound and that

this sound pervades everything. If one wanted to describe this phenomenon

in terms of physics, then OM

NAMAHA SHIVAYA is an incredibly high frequency vibration and

everything has this vibration within it.

"Haidakhan Vishwa Mahadham is at the present time the holiest religious

place in the world, holier than Benares. The water of this river, the

Gautama Ganga, purifies you from all sins. From this place, Haidakhan

Vishwa Mahadham, the whole world is blessed."

Babaji Leaves the Body

On February 14th, 1984, Babaji left His physical body. For many devotees it

was a huge shock. For others it was not totally unexpected because in the

previous months and weeks He had repeatedly hinted at His imminent

departure.

"I shall soon be going on a big journey, one which you cannot accompany

me on..." and

"The play is nearly at an end; there is little time left and even this is fast

running out!"

During the last eight weeks of His physical presence, such remarks were

plentiful.

No one, not even the closest disciples could or would take these inferences

seriously. They also failed to understand why Babaji had people chant the

hymn, "Sita Ram, Sita Ram, bolo pyare", very often in those last weeks.

This chant is a dirge in India.

On February 13th, the warnings took on a concrete form. Babaji complained

of chest pains.

He frequently placed a Sri Yantra, a cosmogram, on His heart, chanting

hymns of devotion to God written by Mira Bhai, an Indian saint of the

fourteenth century.

Still, He sat among His devotees and received some visitors. For a long time

He stared silently at a world map and with utmost seriousness leafed through

a picture book about Hiroshima, which someone had brought Him. In that

solemn stillness, which was around Him, He raised His head and with the

following words referred once more to the coming, all-encompassing,

radical world change of which He had so often before warned:

"Destruction has to happen for two reasons; because people still think

only of "I" and "mine", - this is not truth, not the spiritual way, not 1ove;

and because everyone wants to be big and no-one wants to be small."

With a deep sigh He sank back into His chair and in a softer, scarcely

audible voice, added:

"Therefore it is irreversible."

On the evening of the same day, He spoke His last words:

"My heart is broken, wounded by a thousand knives. And I have only one

heart to bear all the pain of the world. My body has a thousand wounds and

there is no one to heal me. Why, oh why? Moon, sun and stars are all in me;

I carry the burden of the whole universe."

The next morning Babaji whispered to one disciple in whose arms He rested:

"Now I must leave my body."

One hour after Babaji had stopped His heart, this event was profoundly

reflected in the play of nature. It seemed as though nature, with all its

creatures had held its breath. The flocks of birds in Haidakhan remained

silent for hours, the winds died down and a mighty stillness weighed over

the whole valley like lead.

The following day the sky was overcast; gray clouds and thick mist Himg in

the air. This unseasonable weather cleared away only after devotees from all

corners of the world had gathered. Then the sun broke through and shone its

most brilliant light. Shortly after, there erupted a raging storm with tHimder

and lightning. Such a thing had never happened before in Haidakhan at this

time of year. Nature had been stirred in all her dimensions and with this wild

turbulence seemed to herald the times of which Babaji had spoken...

* * *

In reality Mahavatar Babaji has not gone away from us. He has merely taken

another form, which our eyes cannot see. It is as if He has hidden Himself in

order to be at last reborn in each heart.

"I am everywhere, in your every breath."

Babaji expressed His legacy to each one who was near to Him, some days

before His departure:

Love and serve all humanity. Help everyone.

Be happy. Be courteous. Be a dynamo of irrepressible joy. Recognize God

and goodness in every face. There is no saint without the past and no

sinner without the future. Praise everyone. If you cannot praise someone,

let him/her go out of your life.

Be original. Be inventive. Be courageous. Take courage again and

again. Do not imitate. Be strong. Be upright. Think with your own head.

Be yourself. All perfection and every divine virtue are hidden within you –

reveal them to the world. Wisdom, too, is already within you – let it shine

forth. Let the Lord’s Grace make you free. Let your life be that of a rose –

in silence, it speaks the language of fragrance…

--Sri Babaji, February 1984

Glossary

AARATI

ceremony of lights; part of religious service

ASANA raised

seat

AVATAR

divine

incarnation

BHAJAN

religious

song

CHANDAN

sandalwood paste applied to the forehead as part of

Hindu ritual

DARSHAN

blessing: laying eyes on a holy person

DHimI sacred

fireplace

HAIDAKHAN

tiny village in foothills of Himalayas near Haldwani; Babaji's place of

residence

HAIDAKHAN BABA

earlier incarnation of Babaji -until 1922

HAVAN

sacred

fire

ceremony

KALI

YUGA

the

present

age

KRIYA YOGA

meditation technique using the breath in a specific way KURTA long,

collarless

shirt

LILA

(divine)

play

MANASAMADHI

conscious departure from the body enacted by a highly developed yogi

MALA

string

prayer

beads

MANTRA

prayer formula containing empowered sacred sounds

MAYA worldly

illusion

MUDRA

specific yogic posture or gesture of the hands

MUNDAN

shaving

the

head

ON NAMAHA SHIVAYA

mantra meaning: "I surrender to God", "Lord, let Thy Will be done", "I take

refuge in God"

PRASAD

blessed

food

PUJA

ritual

worship

RAMA

earlier incarnation of God, hero of the Ramayana

SADHU wandering

monk

SANATANA DHARMA

the eternal spiritual law

SHAKTI

divine energy; female aspect of God

SHASTRI

learned in the scriptures; priest

SHIVA Hindu name of God

SHIVA NATARAJ

the Dancing Shiva, rhythm of life and destroyer of evil forces

SWAHA

Sanskrit expression meaning "I offer"

SITA-RAM

one of the principal characters of the Ramayana; symbol of unity of the

male and female, energies; incarnation of Vishnu and Lakshmi

TOPA

head cover

YAGNA

fire ceremony

YOGANANDA

famous yogi; author of "Autobiography of a Yogi"